Slither

It’s been a while since I’ve stumbled upon a decent horror film (the last one being Shaun of The Dead, which was unquestionably more comedy than horror, so I guess that brings me to Joy Ride)-out of the thousands of horror flicks produced every year, a majority will inevitably revolve around predictable plots, laughable scripts, flat characters and formulaic monsters or villains that neither scare nor move us.The best horror films infuse the right amount of gore, sex and fright-horror films weren’t made to be taken seriously, unlike say, films about human experiences, they are almost completely fictional (with the few that doubtfully claim they’re based on true stories or long-running myths) and play on our fear for the unknown, to actually scrutinize one’s script or story for points would be utterly pointless-other factors that contribute towards the film’s overall scare effect should be considered instead, although it’s essential that a horror film maintain a certain amount of logic to it-yes aliens, giant cockroaches and singing vampires are acceptable as audiences are more than willing to put their common sense aside (to a certain extent) to enjoy the perplexity of imagination-anyways, Slither struggles but somehow manages to retain this balance, and the end product is a decent horror film that terrifies and disgusts,with enough humour to balance the seriousness out. Moreover Slither has an overall smooth feel to it (scenes seamlessly blend together and rarely does the intensity fade away) and it avoids the aforementioned clichés including the insufferable sudden loud sounds or appearances that merely shock us briefly or excessive use of special effects-also, the film has an admirable creativity and risky approach that a lot of horror films refuse to venture-for example: two scenes in which the slugs terrorize the town Country Music plays in the background and this makes it doubly interesting somehow, plus at the shallow core of Slither lies a feeble love triangle but the focus remains on the horror and this weak romance rarely floats into sight (plenty of horror films unsuccessfully attempt to infuse meaning by bringing in an unconvincing love story that is foolishly made the film's focus, but Slither knows its limits and refrains from doing so-therein lies its withdrawal from desperation).However Slither is nothing to shout about, decent doesn’t necessarily equal to classic or amazingly brilliant (such praise i felt deserving for 28 Days Later), but it sure is a fun ride and solid B-grade horror movie (with a surprising 84% rating on RT) it deserves some praise for being significantly more superior than the multitude of wannabe horror films that bombard us nowadays.

Little Children

Little Children has one of the most important aspect many movies aspire to possess-a strong and compelling story, that is developed well with assistance from multi-layered characters who are brilliantly portrayed, a script that relies on subtlety instead of heavy melancholies and, an almost perfect pace. Needless to say, Kate Winslet is magnificent in her role and she fucking owns this movie-every emotion is expressed effectively whilst maintaining a certain amount of realness (as a result her character’s significantly much more than simply a tragically disillusioned housewife) the rest of the cast was equally good with the exception of Patrick Wilson, who looked slightly undetermined and out of place in this movie,where in the few parts the script allowed him to emote his performance was done halfheartedly. What’s best though, is how the stories carefully and patiently develop and eventually arrive full circle-the movie’s long running time just feels right once it all ties together at the end, although inevitably many might dispute that certain scenes that were perhaps unnecessary could’ve been edited out for a more solid outcome. Moreover, camerawork for some parts of the movie visibly evades confrontation-with reluctant shots from side or afar (for example in one particular scene where two characters converse in a car, the camera lazily remains fixated from one side-giving ample space for both characters to breath on screen undoubtedly, but there seems to be a lack of emotion going through as the camera cowardly refuses to venture into close-up shots or perhaps a different number of positions from where emotion could flow out). Thankfully the film does have a firm grip on its redeeming qualities-at certain points when the story feels as if its about to float away into sentimentality, realism decisively brings it back down and the feel-good ending is arguably quite the opposite despite having left most of those walking out the theatre with warm feelings in their hearts.A lot of Little Children's profound impact lies in the slick execution of specific moments-Kathy's (Jennifer Connelly) startling realization of her husband's affair when she reads the lingering stares that dart across the room during a casual dinner and her wordless yet utterly intense reaction,Sarah's uncontrollable excited screams when Brad scores during a football game (a moment that felt equally tragic as it was joyful),Ronnie's awkward date with a kooky,unknowing girl to mention a few.with a It’s In The Bedroom with significantly more enthusiasm and liveliness to it (Little Children has its tiny clever satires and light moments, whereas In The Bedroom felt much too serious), American Beauty without the layers of superficial glossiness and ridiculous, flimsily constructed characters-the long running time (crossing the worrisome two-hour mark) of Little Children might be infuriating to some, but I thought the neat ending,artfully complex characters and complete-feeling story did more than justify it.

Return

Both two computers at home have gone into cohorts (one has a cracked screen,the other a slow connection) hence i've taken the effort to drive 20 minutes to my sister's house where Dad's reliable Viao cheerfully obliged to my needs-it's been a pretty eventful week,in which i watched two films that never should have been made:The first was the horribly unfunny Epic Movie (this movie is so incomparably awful it has to be seen to be believed-i can't think of a single good thing to say about it),the second was the overlong,cerebral Bee Season which had me fighting off the urge to sleep the whole way (although this movie did change my perception of Richard Gere-the man's not such a bad actor).There's something strangely enchanting in the new MiuMiu Lindsay Lohan ads (pictured),like the brand new DisneyPark ads featuring big names like Beyonce,Scarlett J & Beckham.And the first ep of Dirt finally finished downloading-coming from the writer of Nip/Tuck (which i was a loyal fan of until the absurdly over-the-top third season came along,followed by the slightly more watchable 4th Season which was the most explicit) i kept my expectations low and in doing so i think i did the right thing-Courteney Cox confidently carries her Lucy Spiller role but the rest of the cast,who play celebrities and paparazzi victims,look and act in pedestrian ways and are totally unconvincing-Dirt's classy soft-porn wrapped with fancy sets and sharp,satirical lines (e.g:''I just came off a little''),and it's almost understandable that a show revolving around Hollywood,tabloids and celebrities to be utterly superficial and insincere but Dirt exceeds that with half of its running time devoted to sex.I guess aside from the target audience (presumably bored,middle-aged housewives and celeb-adoring female teens who make up 90% of tabloid buyers),no one else would fully enjoy this show.I expect it'll be cancelled after a single season.Here's a link to an interesting Oscar-nominated animated short called ''Danish Poet''

The Format-Let's Make This Moment A Crime
Clap Your Hands Say Yeah-Home on Ice

Adieu Humans and Felines.

Half Nelson

It’s a self-destructive white boy living in a prominently black neighborhood, where broken families, drugs and other dirty things reign supreme. Included are scenes where characters become overwhelmed with emotion as melancholy melodies play in the background (the kind associated with pretentious arthouse films that are full of panoramic shots that seem more pretty than they are meaningful), and you have what seems to be a cheap, obvious attempt at poignancy-there are many parts of the film that tries hard to invoke sympathy or compassion but fail, and in failing they mostly come off as empty, unfeeling and dishonest. Some parts are incoherent and seem almost exploitative because they exist solely to try make us feel-one dimensional characters with problems that supposedly humanizes them, short history films about racial prejudice and other touchy topics are played to an unknowing class of innocent adolescents (who accordingly respond with confusion and ignorance), a depressed man surrounded by his oblivious, jovial family members who proceed to play happy songs and drink wine. However the film’s emphasis remains fixed on bigger things- moreover, the writers have refrained from making drug addiction the focus, instead here it’s a background for the film’s larger story. Half Nelson has two things that significantly shine-Ryan Gosling’s empathetic performance as an absent-minded junkie, and the portrayal of his unlikely friendship with a young, precocious student elevates this otherwise mediocre film to a somewhat engrossing story. There are other films that venture the teacher-student, adult-teenager, black-white (both literal & figurative) relationship but they are often written in a condescending manner that strives to educate us with superfluous moral lessons (about overcoming differences and all that jazz), Half Nelson doesn’t try to teach, it’s telling a compelling story about how all of us yearn to love and be loved, and how this need drives our perseverance-earning an unusually high rating of 91% on RT, Half Nelson lacks subtlety and starts on uneven footing (that gradually corrects its way to a remarkable ending) but it features a solid story at its core, two genuinely heartbreaking characters and it is here that Gosling establishes himself as one of the best young actors around.

*Oscar nominees announced few hours ago-Ryan Gosling gets a nod in the Best Actor category for his work in Half Nelson (he wasn’t even nominated for a Golden Globe), where a deserving Will Smith also stands. Very few shockers, but what surprised me most was that Little Miss Sunshine’s nominated for Best Picture, and even more unbelievable (in a very, very good context) is Abigail Breslin’s nomination in the Best Supporting Actress category. I have very little faith with Little Miss Sunshine winning any trophy (seeing how the awful Crash won Best Picture last year, I’d say the voters are alcoholics or retarded-plus the other contenders are too hard to beat), but I’m keeping my fingers crossed anyways.

Hotel Cheapskate

The last 24 hours spent in Kelantan couldn’t have been any breezier-usually these trips meant spending long drowsy hours in the car going around the state visiting relatives and a constant feeling of restlessness, this time we spent a lot of time just visiting uncles and aunties who were particularly sick. This morning we departed to Kuantan by car-a frantic 4 hour spent anxiously anticipating when an accident would happen as a result from the driver’s frantic, dangerous driving. And our journey took us to Swiss-Garden Resort in Kuantan, where I spent the Sunday night-this place is probably one of the worst resorts I’ve encountered-I’ve seen ones that are unimaginably hedious but this one looks pretty acceptable-except from the fact that there’s undergoing renovation and ever single corner of the lobby area is filled with dust and dirt. There are stray cats leisurely circling the lobby area, not that I mind filthy animals but the hotel could probably look and do better without them. Then when I enquired about the hotel’s wireless connection (falsely advertised on a huge banner hung over the entrance-“Free Wi-fi In All Rooms”)-the receptionist, who had the deceitful features of a professional conman (crooked yellow teeth, visibly forced smile, indecisive voice) unconvincingly explained how it apparently doesn’t work this time of the year and the only internet available is at the Business Lounge where they charge 7.50 per hour. Hurm, how fucking convenient. The ridiculousness doesn't end there,heck it hasn't even started yet. Additional towels costs money. When I called the reception to book a cab, they nonchalantly explained that it was the hotel’s policy to not have any ties with outside cabs as they offer guests a luxury limo service, which costs 300 for a mere 3 hours. So they gave me the number of a cab service to “personally call”. And when I called for drinking water to be sent they charged me RM 1 for it. All the other atrocious ways they conjure to squeeze money out of our pockets I’m reluctantly willing to overlook, but seriously: charging money for mineral water? How low can they go? This hotel just screams cheapskate and it shows how far they go to acquire petty profits, to the extent where customer loyalty and satisfaction becomes their final aim. The tv’s playing an old, obscure Anthony Hopkins movie I’ve never heard of, but the shows on are the least of my concerns now-I’m going to take a shower then try sleep on this backbreaking torture instrument the hotel calls a bed.

Off

Yesterday was byoute's big 16th birthday for which July and I drove two hours to Melaka to celebrate-and we had the most amazing four hours there,mostly spent listening

sharing our recaps of 06 and so on.It was the first time,as explained by Jules,that i returned to the boarding school without a single ounce of sadness or frustration the way we all usuallly did when returning from the holidays,this time we were aware we could leave at anytime and had all the freedom to be ourselves.I'm at KLIA,where the plane to Kelantan will be taking off anytime now-i'm just waiting for Dad to give the getgo-so this will be pretty short.

-Clap Your Hands Say Yeah has new music streaming on their MySpace

-Another fun timewaster-design your own M&M here

-AOL posts an awesome feature on the amazing Amy Winehouse

-Lastly,today's dose of eye candy/Kristin Cavallari

Nowdays i keep a wary eye while surfing because so many sites post Office spoilers,and i accidentally read that Micheal hooked up with Karen,thankfully no Jim/Pam spoilers surfaced.Won't be online for quite sometime,i just pray i'll come out from this trip sane and alive-all that time spent listening to my Dad's lectures on success and Mum's endless ranting can possibly have its subtle effects-but i'll survive as i always do,keeping my mind stuck on all kinds of random thoughts while constantly wishing the day would just finish.Not as bad as it seems actually.

Yourself

Aha this pic is from one of mum's forwaded moral-boosting emails-pictured is presumably an Afghan woman contemplating the peace beyond her troubled shores (or whichever way you choose to see it),it reads ''The most difficult phase of life is not when others don't understand you,it's when you don't understand yourself''.These will be the words echoing in the dreams i will have tonight.Deep but simple stuff.Dimples.

More importantly,Wincing The Night Away,new album by The Shins (you can hear the album's first single Phantom Limb at their MySpace,where 3 other great older songs are featured) comes out next week.

Beck-Cellphone's dead (the vid was directed by Micheal Gondry-Eternal Sunshine's director)
Joss Stone-Spoilt
Beatles-You say Goodbye
Broken Social Scene-Swimmers

Alas i fall into oblivion under the influence of trippy guitar solos and dreamy Radio Dept singles.

Dreamgirls

Dreamgirls recently won three Golden Globes including Best Picture (Musical or Comedy),and prior to its release last December the film has garnered an overwhelming amount of positive attention,but as a reviewer from Washington Post describes it-[this is] an uneven success.Firstly,the movie did have its share of right things-casting Jennifer Hudson and Beyonce as Effie White and Deena Jones respectively was undoubtedly a good choice-even though Hudson largely outshines Knowles;perhaps this is due to the way the characters were written-Effie seems textured and compelling,having to deal with self-destructive habits while unrelentingly pursuing her ambitions,whereas Deena,effortlessly beautiful and born a neatly-packaged artiste,is mostly spoon fed and her inner character remains slightly unchanging despite experiencing a shift of priorities/principles,hence there is little to Deena we're given to sympathise for.Eddie Murphy didn't impress me much,but it's worth mentioning he's bearable to watch in Dreamgirls.The biggest problem Dreamgirls suffers is in the way it dutifully,obligingly follows the typical musical movie routine-heavy emphasis is placed on its musical performances rather than storyline,hence the story features an embarrassing amount of emotional depth,character development is done impatiently as to not steal the thunder that rightfully belongs to the musical performances (it is based on an on-stage musical after all).Moreover,the movie proceeds in a pattern that predictably becomes aggravating very fast-good/bad things happen one after another,each followed by its own performance,hence half the movie's running time when the characters aren't singing,things happen very quickly (and we're supposed to mindlessly nod along).The relationships seem incomplete and halfheartedly constructed,the most obvious example being how neither of Curtis (Jamie Foxx) romances with Deena or Eddie seem genuine or properly developed at all.Following this route wouldn't lead to a crash&burn if the musical performances had the strength to sustain all other damage,unfortunately none of the material featured here can.Aside from Hudson's ''And I'm Telling You'' (this is when the movie starts gaining momentum,so take it as a cue to wake up) and ''I Am Changing'',as well as Beyonce's ''Listen'',the rest of the songs seem tiresome,dull and uninspiring.Even Chicago,with its Hollywood-ish characters and bloody Renee Zellweger (complete with ugly blond wig and annoying squeaky voice) in it,at least it had an AMAZING soundtrack that was full of personality and charm.By the time the credits rolled at the end of Dreamgirls,all i had to say was ''So that's it?''.Briefly summed-half the time you'll be waiting for things to happen or for Jennifer Hudson to appear,the rest of the time you'll enjoy the few performances that truly impress-hence,it's appropriate to call this an uneven success.Don't expect too much.

*Random Note-John Lithgow (Dick,3rd Rock From The Sun) & John Krasinski (Jim,The Office US) have a brief cameo as Beyonce's film (titled Cleopatra.how tacky) creators.If only John Lithgow had a cameo in The Office.Wow that'd make me poop butterflies and see stars in my dinner plate.Must not put hopes too high.

Hard Candy

Hard Candy could possibly be the best film i will watch this month,but it's not as perfect as one might expect from a thriller flick dealing with paedophilia.First up,the story explained vaguely (it's best for anyone who intends to watch this film to not know too much)-14 year old Hailey (Ellen Page) decides to meet with her 3 month-long online correspondent,a much older man named Jeff (Patrick Stewart).Now,there are many impressive things about the film-the performances are mesmerizing,especially the understated way Ellen Page uses her body language to convey mixed messages.The script is sharp,bold and doesn't once trip into failed witticism despite its constant use of one-liners and few references to popculture.The little music that exists provides an atmosphere of startling realism and the characters are built in a way that they seem equally human as they are inhuman,these two aspects balances well with the film's glossy,modern-looking look.Above all,what surprises me most is how amazingly solid and strong the film turned out despite having only two characters and one solitary storyline-however,one cannot help but notice the films lack of heart and genuity.Hard Candy's biggest flaw is having to exploit the topic of paedophilia for the sake of a plot-take off the use of paedophilia as a backdrop and what ultimately remains is a weak story-a good movie would have multiple layers that makes it compelling and challenging,but Hard Candy sits still on one stage and refuses to go deeper.The film also relies a lot on suspense for substance-not that a thriller shouldn't,but after a while the will-she-or-will-she-not trick seems slightly overused and the trail of gruesome happenings in the movie seem to be a space filler for what should've been a proper storyline.However,the well-written script,absorbing characters and daring approach makes it an incredible thriller-it doesn't rush into cheap scares and takes time to develop its characters and story, unlike other thrillers that mostly feature characters who are flat and dull as cardboards and storylines even newborns could predict.Hard Candy is a definite must-watch.Highly recommended.

The Office

Nothing really interesting to say,so i posted up these two pics-of Julliete Lewis (of JL & The Licks) & Karen O (of the YeahYeahYeahs-a.k.a The Bestest Best Band Ever) and hope they'll keep making music till the day i stop breathing.On a side note,these two articles about Lost say that the six episodes that will begin showing on Feb 7 onwards (after a long,frustrating hiatus) will provide all the answers viewers have been incessantly begging for,and that this might possibly be the final season.Usually if a good show decides to call it quits (say,The Office or 24-which two-part season premiere started last night) i wouldn't be too happy about it but unlike these other shows Lost counts most on quality and the episodes that have been aired were all incredibly intense,fulfilling and just fucking awesome.So it's good that they end it now before the show gets draggy,empty and stupid (i'm talking to you,OC & Six Feet Under).

To anyone who hasn't watched The Office US before,i higly recommend it.If i were t give few reasons why it's the funniest show to have ever existed i'd say mainly because Steve Carrell & Rainn Wilson (who,ironically,had a part as a very serious character in Six Feet Under during its huge downfall post-season 2) are so freaking hilarious,the rest of the cast members are equally pitch-perfect in their performances and enjoyable to watch,and the character development's done without hurry-so by the end of season 2 the characters who you might have thought as pitiful would turn out to be annoying,the bad guys seem deserving of some sympathy and other grey areas.But 90% of this show's success should be attributed to Steve Carrell,who effortlessly holds it all together.

The Golden Globe results are probably out by now,but the fact that Babel received so many nominations and Meryl Streep got nominated for Best Actress (i mean,sure her acting was brilliant but the movie was cheap and easy rubbish) still frustrates me,and i still don't get why everyone's raving about Heroes.The Pursuit of Happyness,which was so draggy it made me want to pull my hair out and burn myself (it was at least 30 minutes too long) had a boring plot and were full of miscast actors (Thandie Newton is just invincible in her role) but the one thing right,which made it all forgivable and a movie almost worth watching,was placing the focal point on Will Smith,who manages to elevate this humdrum melodrama to so much more-he's just incredible in this movie,especially the final scene where (spoiler!) Will Smith is told he's hired,and his eyes start become watery then he runs out to the street-that scene was just emotional,in every good sense of that word.

Matt Pt 2

The enigma of Sudden Explosions,as briefly described before with reference to the unforeseen unravelling of Matt's life,can't be explained convincingly by even the brightest of philosophers-unlike a mathematical conundrum you can deconstruct and investigate with the understated privilege of time,SE's are like massive chemical explosions that seem to be unavoidable and beyond anyone's control,as they happen accidentally,but unbeknown st to many coincidence is essentially fate's clever disguise donned to discreetly mold's one life into the predetermined shape that will only be clear years later.

It all happened too fast for Matt to comprehend,there wasn't ample time to contemplate his actions or hesitate his inner instincts-this sweaty,adrenalin-driven sense of urgency pushed him to do something that was beyond his control (inevitable,a word usually too strong and/or loosely used to be truly meaningful,would be a suitable adjective here),something equally profound as it was cataclysmic-eyes blinking furiously,his head feeling as if it was about to implode,his hands caught between shivery unwillingness and absolute certainty-the open head of a man he had shot seconds before,squarely on the forehead:one aggressive,brave bullet released in the short moment when Matt's conscience had chosen to betray him,lay inches across Matt,who was now slowly stepping backwards though his eyes remained fixated on the small circle of blood and flesh that had left tiny,discernible marks around his clothes and paled profile.

''Good job'',a soft hand pressed on his shoulder,Matt took this as an affirmation of his doubtful existence in the Here & Now,''I've got the case,time to scram'',said Elain calmly,lighting a cigarette.

Matt stayed frozen,still overwhelmed by the entirety of what had just taken place-he looked to his left and right,noticing that the walls behind the bar were now covered in blood,though Elain seem to have emerged from the massacre unscathed.Elain,allowing Matt's piercing silence to linger for a moment before continuing,took a step towards Matt,wrapping her hands around his stiff back,hugging him tightly.''I know you're afraid,confused'',she whispered,''who,what-and all this,and i promise i'll explain.But not now'',letting go of Matt,she took a step back,then hurriedly went towards the entrance in small,fastidious paces.''Now,we have to leave''.Matt followed,carefully avoiding the messes on the floor,taking larger steps every now and then.Elain didn't have to persuade for Matt knew he had to leave immediately before more chaos ensued or more surprises appeared,he had learned long ago to escape when trouble and confusion was still manageable,taking Elain's hug as a sign of Compassion & Sensitivity (''The two traits that make someone human'',his father repeatedly mentioned during one of his long dinner speeches,to which Matt listened to attentively while the other siblings nosily munched and swallowed),but leaving sufficient space for distrust and skepticism as to ensure his following actions were not completely under Elain's dictating.

Elain threw her cigarette,now a short stub almost hidden under the night's ominous cloak and her long fingers,to the ground where a shy cluster of dust rose.She entered a yellow truck that was parked around ten steps from the entrance,where Matt stood for a few seconds-looking back at the big sign above,realising the dark E still irked him quite a bit.Elain had started the engine when Matt entered the vehicle,a large pick-up vehicle with ''Pussy Wagon'' boldly written in bright pink on its right.Inside it looked equally -the one long seat shared by both Matt and Elain was shamelessly pink,the fact it was leather and comfortable made it close to acceptable-and as Elain drove the car back onto the main road Matt's eyes focused on the Diner's reflection on the side mirror,only looking away once it was reduced to a tiny,unfathomable white spot.

Not a single word was spoken for the many hours that followed-Matt didn't need answers now,he refused to have more questions to bear with as the myriad of unresolved issues he had before was plentiful and would provide him enough suffering for years.Matt knew his ignorance would cost him in the near future,but at that time,in the funny truck that reeked the malodor of fuel,cheap furnishing and cigarette smoke,on a journey that passed by long empty desserts with tall,thin trees with branches that attempted to reach into the ubiquitous sky and more wondrous insignificants,he let the questions wander and his heart bask in the tranquility,as dawn approached.

...

Matt Pt 1

''Fate works the way we usually think it does,Matt,just in some very fucked up ways sometimes.And i think it's time we quit this''

It had been five hours and Matt's journey had taken him far away from the once-comforting confines of his large luxurious home,to a far-reaching highway that crossed a seemingly endless dessert occupied with naked trees and shadowed with looming skies that ominously pass above,the thought of time,usually a top priority for the ever-punctual,rule-abiding lawyer,had disappeared from Matt's mind,now having to solve the mystery of the Sudden Explosion.'Explosion' was the word Matt chose to call the situation,which he compared to having found a bomb ticking in its last few seconds and without any forewarning or opportunity to react,everything simply blew up into pieces instantly with Matt being able to do absolutely nothing to prevent it.Matt had definitely not seen it coming.He honestly thought his life was perfectly stain-free,clean as a newly-polished spoon-as his smiling wife,recent promotion and newly-purchased mansion supposedly reflected happiness and fullfillment,little did he know under those neat covers lay brewing troubles simply waiting for the right time to explode.He didn't know what else to do,after years of undisturbed safety and perhaps some tiny,insignificant,mostly work-related problems (that were managed accordingly,further establishing his reputation as the Most Reliable Problem Solver in Amber Co,the prestigious law firm which considered him among one of their most precious assets) he had become accustomed to the breezy life,and when Dana,his wife for almost 15 years (their anniversary was coming up in 5 days,the two tickets to Malibu hidden in between two newspapers in his bedside drawer was left untaken) said she wanted to quit it,the only thought that immediately came to mind was to run.As far as he could.He felt utterly disgusted,as if all the pretty walls,expensive paintings and shiny ornamentals in the house that were once signatures of his success and joy,were simply part of an elaborate plan,spearheaded by Dana,to provide him an unmistakable,yet false,sense of completeness,only to take it all away without warning one day just to see how he reacted when the Inevitable Truth arrived.It was an overwhelming feeling of something he could not yet define,regret,anger,sadness-who knows,maybe relief even?-the only concern he had was to escape from it all,from Dana,the house,the city,the country,the world.He wanted nothing more than all his past erased and the chance to live without those disheartening reminders of his yesterdays,but he knew it was too soon-just when his mind went totally blank for a single moment,as if suddenly complying to his requests,something shimmered in the distance-a pale,white light blinking hesitantly-for a while his mind became absent of worries or regrets,replaced by a curiousity-he slowed down his vehicle,finally approaching the source of the light.

He slowly navigated to the left,entering the carpark of the small diner,with the blinking lights above-bulbs on each letter illuminated from afar,except the E-on-dinEr that seemed to remain dark,not even a flicker emerged as he stared at the dark letter (a shameless cliche he thought,for old-fashioned diners to have dysfunctional electrical items,as if to depict a feeling of returning to the late 80's,when most restaurants were plagued with electrical items that either died out or worked horribly after a given period).So he turned of the car engine and left the vehicle with its' keys (take everything you want and can,he whispered into the wind),and entered the diner-it was everything he expected:the slightly dirty-looking plastic tables affected by years and years of milkshakes without coasters,or ketchup stains that had been rubbed into the boards,the old waitresses with their worned-out uniforms and potruding vains sticking out from their frail,delicate hands,and of course,the indifferent menu that consisted of mostly nothing but sausages,eggs,pancakes,milkshakes and so on-with the mysterious,odd exception of Big Momma's Juicy Beefpumpkin Burger that stood out like a conspicuous,scientific term emanating an unavoidable resonance that shone over everything else.There were only two others around,aside from the two waitresses busy cleaning the place-a heavily-bearded old man in a green sweater with his eyes glued to the wrestling match playing on the tv placed near the entrance (there was another above the counter table-presumably old black & white music videos playing,a white woman donning silly gloves and a hideous wig doing a poor,almost unbearable rendition of Fly Me to The Moon) and a 20-something brunette sitting alone at the furthest table,her hands clutched together and eyes staring blankly into some part of the empty chair in front of her,at for a while Matt caught her nervously glancing his way,her eyes immediately retaliating into Blank Stare Mode,Matt made his way to the other end of the diner,taking a seat where he would surely get some attention from one of the waitresses,who did,finally left her broom at the far corner and went to fetch Matt a cup of coffee,or cow-fee,as she pronounced it to Matt.

The waitress emerged again,this time looking slightly distraught somehow,maybe distressed without a broom in hand or simply wanting some shut-eye after hours of cleaning and cooking,she placed the cup in front of Matt,then gestured her right thumb towards the right,where an old,damaged vending machine stood.Re-feels. This time her mouth opened wide enough for Matt to see that she had only one tooth left,and it was Gold.Matt just wanted coffee at that very moment,just coffee,he didn't desire anything else except the sensation of heat travelling through his body in sips of tasteful,blended beans-but also wanted a lot of other things,which he knew he couldn't possible achieve-so he left his mind free of thought,closing his eyes,relaxing and breathing,feeling the Coffee Effect he yearned for.It was a peaceful experience,a big break from the past 5 hours of endless reminiscing and wondering,and he felt he was prepared to leave the Diner and continue his journey,allow it to take him to somewhere civilized where he would take his time to rearrange his thoughts and figure things out.The final sip tasted the strongest,but he bravely took it all in.When he opened his eyes,the brunette was sitting across him,hands still clutched but eyes narrowed to his.

''Hi,i'm Elain.''
''Matt.''
''Cool'',she said nonchalantly,her eyes not once leaving his.
''Awesome'',he looked away for a moment,wanting to escape the Intense Stare.
''You have to help me'',her expression changed when she said this.That aura of tensioned easiness faded completely,now it looked as if she was actually serious.
Having lost everything and with nothing to look forward to or any task at hand,he thoughtlessly obliged with a cunning smile.''Anything''.
She leaned forward,her nose now playfully brushing his,reached out her hand and handed him something cold and metalic.''I'll go for the twin virgins,you'll take twiggie.''
Matt shifted his attention to the thing in his hand.A pistol.His face now reacting with disbelief and confusion,his mouth let out a muted,breathless wha?
''Bam.Briefcase.Honda.'',a nod followed each of the three words,''Remember that?On the count of three-three,two,one..
...

Awakening

After admitting to blogging a bit too much and developing the beginnings of an obsession,or possibly a relationship with an inanimate being (did i just say being?),i had decided to sleep early right after reading few pages of a storybook and taking a short walk in the building's lobby area,and thanks to the tiring,hectic day filled with both uneasy phsyical and mental tasks i had finally become tired and was prepared to surrender to sleep-after about half an hour in slumber,i was awoken by a very loud,disturbing noise that i immediately responded to by fastly reaching into the nearby shelf for the Ipod and drowning my ears with even louder music,away from those awful,trauma-inducing noises.So right now i have my earphones plastered with sweat into my ears,music blasting on full volume into the pitiful eardrums,numbing them complete,but i'd rather face this agonizing headache than whatever danger lays outside the comfort of these sounds.It may take a few hours for me to recover,and so i'll waste the morning hours away entertaining myself with silly fantasies and random thoughts,both courtesy of songs like Love is No Big Truth by Kings of Convenience.

All I do is sleep all day,

and think of you

A memory of the cushion life

I'm clinging to

The image of a mutual one,our haven

The sombre chords of our song,the fading

Love is no big truth

Driven by our genes,

we are simple selfish beings

A symphony that's you

Joyously awaking the ignorant and sleeping

Passion and its brother hate, they come and go

Could easily be made to stay for longer though

Many people play this game so willingly

Do I have to be like them, or be lonely?

*Posted the picture of some kuihs to satisfy my annoying and incessant night hunger,was a bit scared to go downstairs to the kitchen-where i suspect there might be a frightening little girl,joined with her herd of dracula flies waiting to eat me.Omg Dakota Fanning.The Horror.

Catrabbit

Been blogging way too often lately and i really should get out and find a real life or more productive things to do,but my days are filled with predetermined plans and various chores i have to complete-alas they end in the evening when i'm too tired to do anything but lay on my bed and let my thoughts blithely wander off into sweet oblivion.So i spent the last few hours alternating what's left of my attention span from the tv (the office marathon currently on),storybook in my hands and the pastime of answering random questions on Yahoo Answers.It's been sometime since i wrote the kind of post filled with pointless digressions that only annoy-a bit like this one is starting to resemble-so i'll try to draw a focal point from here onwards.Over the course of 1.The morning jog 2.The long journey to the dentist delayed by traffic 3.Waiting for hot water to boil-i finally had an idea for my first movie (i mean,if that ever happens.Dreams help keep me dying from boredom)-it's basically about two yet-to-be-named young adults,a reclusive man and a temperamental woman-well,it's more complex than that but it all boils down to the relationship between these two conflicted people (the way most movies/tv series have multiple scenarios and stories but it all focuses on one solitary thing-e.g:Jim & Pam's doubtful,unrealised affair in The Office,Dick & Mary in 3rd Rock FTS,Jack's Secret Love Past in Lost,you get the picture) but for now this idea remains raw,undeveloped and too artsy-looking to be truly impactful.I'll probably suck out most of the mind-numbing melancholy and make it a bit more about real stuff (er,whatever that means)-but honestly this is confusing to do because,a bit like myself,my ideas are almost totally disconnected from reality and lost in some weirdo wonderland of deep evils and undiscovered hope (and maybe rainbow-coloured sheeps & singing clouds too),and the movies i like most are those which are multi-layered,subject to different interpretations and make people go ''huh,so that was..(insert self-made explanation here)'' instead of ''okay so this and that happened,urm,like,WOW'' like the works of Sofia Coppola or Charlie Kaufman.But this tiny,implausible dream of mine will probably drown out over the years as i undertake the difficult,hesitatingly chosen task of finishing a commerce degree,or maybe not.As ludacris and unrealistic the man or woman who said ''Anything is possible'' may have sounded,my gut feeling and secret belief in fate tells me he or she wasn't that far from the truth.

Forgetting

I just spent the last 30 minutes fighting the urge to doze off,writing an emotional,harrowing post about something that a close friend had done.It was four paragraphs long and had enough vulgarity in it to make a Detroit rapper proud.As i wrote the final line (''I hope you fucking get breast cancer & die bleeding in the OR...'') i realised it was unecessary for me to have become so frustrated or acted so nastily due to such a petty incident ,therefore i highlighted the entire piece and erased it without second thought,and i have no regrets-but i won't ignore it completely,by posting the following note that may be vague and annoyingly indirect,but at least i'm not hurting anyone or doing anything destructive in the process-dear friend,you may still be unaware that you've affected me in someway today,but i now consider it insignificant,unimportant and am willing to overlook it and treat it as a stupid misunderstanding.I haven't known you long enough but i do hope that in the future lies do not become apart of this relationship,and that we will eventually learn to be honest,confronting and open enough to keep this going-as Oscar Wilde once said,''True friends stab you in the front'',because a direct hit to the face may cause much more hurt,but at least it's the painful truth and our lives aren't simply built on fatuous lies that may seem to protect,but are really deeply malignant and damaging in the long run.

Not to sound preachy,but telling the truth isn't such a horrible thing.*

(Traces of reverse psychology may be found here,although i'm writing this in white with hope it goes unnoticed.)

Mockingbird

I'm not exactly the biggest fan of hip-hop and rap,but when it comes to Eminem it's a totally different case.It was with The Eminem Show he started inserting his life experiences and untold tragedies into the lyrics,and suddenly the rap genre wasn't all about banging asses and self aggrandizing-but even when Eminem does sing about such things,he strangely still sounds profound.He's rarely in the limelight and seems to have genuinely troubling problems plus his songs do contain some really heavy,deep topics amidst cursing and raging about,so it's hard to find his material exploitative (unlike most mainstream,chartopping break-up/motivational songs which sound so excruciatingly insincere,manipulative and cliche).I overheard Mockingbird over the radio this morning,and thought it was really moving so i'll post a small excerpt here (the rest of it here) and leave it at that for today.

Now hush little baby, don't you cry.Everything's gonna be alright.Stiffen that upper lip up little lady, I told ya Daddy's here to hold ya through the night.I know mommy's not here right now and we don't know why we feel how we feel inside.It may seem a little crazy, pretty baby but I promise momma's gon' be alright .

Final Farewell

Okay,time to finally deal with the bittersweet experience that was 2006 and yes,i know i'm more than a week-late for this (things like these are usually done either before the New Year,or slightly after) but truth is i've been trying,desperately,to sweep things under the carpet and ignore all the happenings from last year-those bothersome memories that keep me thinking into the wee hours of morning-but i've made it a point to become a better person this year,a happier person,and i'm doing this by force.Wether i want it or not,this new dictatorial voice i've created,one governed by righteousness and courage,will shout orders in my head and make me do the right thing-and for now that voice is telling me to be brave and try my best to face truths from now on,and not simply repress them or bask in denial.This time last year,i was taking every preventive measure possible to try erase the past,burying myself in work and diverting myself with other problems,but as a quote i recently read somewhere says-''To try and erase one's past or ignore it,would be to sacrifice the hard-earned lessons one has gathered''.

So,here goes.Rewind,play.

1.Got out of that sucky boarding school-honestly amazed i had survived 5 years.I should get a freaking medal.What i didn't expect,was that all those thoughts previously suppressed into the subconscious,would come back creeping up to mess with my brain.

2.Entered college,felt very inferior and fearful towards social contact-new people make me nervous,and so i did the cowardice thing to put up a snobbish,quiet front as to shoo people away-regretted it deeply,tried undoing the damage and weeks after,managed to find some great friends and got out more,but not effectively breaking out of my comfort zone.

3.Finally received my SPM results,let out a huge sigh of relief.Reminded myself i wasn't a total idiot.College tasks and activities were mostly enjoyable,only a handful register as being the type of memories i would choose to not have.

4.Had a huge,but very discreet breakdown,close friends were mostly unaware and i put up higher fences and more unwelcoming frowns,i realised this had become an automatic response-my way of dealing with things were to shut off and give the world my middle finger,which wasn't good at all-seeked help and opened up to a few,when it came for time to finally talk about the problems,words refused to come out and things worsened.By mid-September,i had returned to the smokey realms of denial,and 'faking it' became much easier with the help of the various distractions thrown my way-but more emotional isolation.the more i withdrew into myself,the happier the person outside seemed-then the unthinkable happened.There were suddenly two people living inside me-one who controlled everything,and one who tried to but couldn't-it was as if my body and mind had suddenly separated,and everything became fucked up.

5.Things cooled down,common sense started kicking in and some of the problems i had faded away after repeatedly being branded 'irrelevant' or 'non-existent'.Everytime a negative thought came to my mind,a voice would try and give answers to me and explain why things were essentially simple and solvable,and it was only a matter of choice that held the nature of consequence.The power to choose,that was what i had forgotten temporarily,and i began to grasp this to gain more control of things.

6.Got into Unimel-my faith in miracles restored-a second chance at Melbourne life.the last time i left Melbourne,things were pretty screwed up and some parts of my life had been ignored,but experience tells me second chance usually doesn't work out that well and sometimes it takes years to truly find what you're looking for.

Well,obviously a whole lot more happened but i'm trying to generalize here,taking the few important,significant things that happened last year,the ones that actually mean something as opposed to random,lightbulb events.There was a lot of laughter,but sadness too,but 2007 is here and i will try my best to become a better person,by doing the two things i think are most basic for personal growth:believing in myself,and being brave enough to confront reality.2006 wasn't a terrific year,and perhaps 2007 won't be either but i'm willing to accept the fact that bad things will continue occuring and they need to,for me to figure out my past and future-and life is way too complex for me to simplify it into bite-sized portions-one day this will all make perfect sense once i've seen the bigger picture,i'm sure.Moreover,i'd rather go through the motions and experience total chaos then remain in standstill,so the road to improvement will definitely be a rocky one-but i'll remember to keep my common sense and inner voice intact,while i start another part of my life.

Hello,2007.

Curse Of The Golden Flower

Zhang Yimou's new film reportedly cost a whooping $45 million to make and boasts itself as the most expensive Chinese film to date,and the excessive amount spent shows vividly on the lavish and elaborate sets,intricate costumes and overall look of the film.The cinematography is slick and appropriately paced,fast and slightly shaky shots portraying intensity and minute-long close-ups carefully building on suspense-to top it all off,COTGF has some of the best action scenes i've ever seen.All the characters are vile,toxic and unsympathetic-what seemingly begins as a family tied close by traditions and culture (both of which places respect & loyalty at its core),they are torn apart by personal vengeance's and horrible revelations that ultimately result in distrust and bloodshed.The best thing about the film is that despite its massive budget and complex plot (a formula that requires exceptional talent and precision to be properly executed),it doesn't trip over its genius or try too hard to tell the story-the lines are mostly short and sharp,not condescending to provide insufferable,overbearing moral teachings or try to clarify the obvious (although few parts of the script are written in a way that the characters seem to be talking to the audience instead of themselves-lines perhaps suitable for a narrating voice)-and both Chow Yun-Fat and Gong Li are simply outstanding in their respective roles,but the film is not without its flaws.Momentum is lost at times when the film awkwardly skips from one conflict to another,some of the violence seems too calculated and unreal (the kind prominent in J-horror flicks),at times things are inserted merely for cheap shock value and do nothing to bring the story forward,and too much cleavage is shown for the film to be taken seriously at times.Gong Li is often seen facing a serious,disheartening matter that is undoubtedly very sad and she is crying profusely,being the hysterical psychobitch she's supposed to be-but it's hard to concentrate with her boobs looking like they're going to explode any moment out of that tiny dress.However,the cost of a movie ticket would relatively be a small price to pay for this movie's greatness-it is,in one word,breathtaking,because the extravagant sets and costumes alone simply induce awe and amazement,and the story is a very solid one despite having its inconsistencies.

The Reign Of Mr X

This morning i spent a solid two minutes laughing out loud alone in front of the tv.

Well,before we get into that i must explain why.You see,like most people i am unfortunately flawed,in a very noticeable,in-your-face kind of way (and i have come to terms with my shortcomings,noone's perfect after all-well,that's not what i thought before) so it's only natural that i have a strong,passionate hatred towards those individuals who seem too perfect to be true.Comparable to one of those attractive on-screen archetypes who seem to be loved by practically everyone and have no weakness-a close male family companion of mine has been getting on my nerves simply for seeming too damn good for reality.Everyone loves him,to the point where it crosses 'sweet' and becomes sick and intolerable-relatives adore his company during family functions,where often my cousins and aunties as well as uncles crowd around him,eagerly waiting for his precious anecdotes and hilarious jokes,all of which i find incredibly annoying and unfunny.But i seem to be the only one who feels this way.As mentioned previously,everyone just LOVES him to death.My dad seems to have elected himself as president of the fanclub-often encouraging me to be more like Mr X,luckily i rarely find these otherwise conforming comments insulting,as i am proud and happy to not be the individual X is.Conflict and life problems have shaped the person i am,and i am more than willing to appear imperfect as these tiny flaws show i am somehow human,made of flesh and bones,absolutely fearless towards kryptonite.

After a short morning walk,i came back to an empty home and decided to see what was playing on local tv to pass the time,and on came The Breakfast Show.The Breakfast Show is hosted by two 20-something men,one named Ben and the other Nas,both unhesitatingly coming up with one stupid,shallow joke after another,each followed by hollow,forced laughters.I felt inclined to change the channel as i was fully aware that these two men were not only ignorant and totally self-absorbed in their 'tv show',because whatever came out of their mouths sounded like complete rubbish and the topics chosen for discussion were so utterly random and depthless,they were too busy having what they thought passed for a conversation to notice how idiotic they sounded,but i continued to watch incase some from of salvation miraculously appeared.Ok,some might think that i'm saying all this because of my constant disdain for anything 'purely Malaysian' or out of cynicism,and usually i'd agree with them,take a step back and maybe consider the fact that my views were somehow harsh and biased,then take the effort to re-evaluate.But this time,i was honestly convinced that these two men (who,no doubt,must be nice people off-air) were unbelievably unfunny and probably untrained as hosts,desperately trying to entertain but in doing so failing and coming off as pretentious,oblivious and unaware.Okay,if you're not convinced,wake up early tomorrow and tune in to the Breakfast Show and you'll see what i mean,seriously.Anyways,this is when i laughed out loud,when realization hit me.

These two men from the Breakfast Show,along with Mr X,may possibly have been born out of the same womb.Okay,probably no.To be fair,Mr X is quite smart,friendly,helpful and hediously inhuman perfections aside,he's really a nice guy,a step above the other two who seem superficial and unmistakably dull.Mr X may have the cunning ability to connect with almost anyone instantly,have good looks and an intelligent brain to boot,and i may not be close to the beloved superhero he is-i coward from big crowds and huge social gatherings,am often shy and quiet around those unfamiliar and new,say the stupidest things at times and i'm far from being the big,lovable poster boy Mr X is,but looking back at those two idiots on The Breakfast Show,i suddenly feel elated and full of gratitude for the fact that i have these flaws and holes in my personality-to me my incompleteness is a sign of potential,and individuality even.

And the next time i see Mr X,with his enviable air confidence and perfection that seems to have a numbing effect on the rest of the family and everyone else,i will simply laugh like a mad cow,and laugh somemore.