Return to Reality

To say that the past week has been good,or bad,would be sadly inaccurate.I don't know how to describe the feeling-one minute I'm intentionally crossing roads without being wary of passing cars,secretly hoping a huge speeding bus would hit me hard.And fast forward five minutes later I'd be smiling and laughing for absolutely no reason at all,suddenly aware of the falling leaves,the slightly stinging sensation of the sun basking my skin,as if Disneyland just popped up there and then and i was queuing up for cotton candy.

One thing university gives you,besides feeding one's inferiority complex and general distrust towards the human race,is a more clear outlook of the country you're in.When i first arrived in Melbourne,it was all blinding lights and loud music-everything was shiny,polished and exciting-but then the shimmer gradually wore off and slowly i learned the truth.This place is very Mellow-the smallest things seem to excite people here,and judging from the myriad of dull and wholly uninteresting local tv shows that have existed since the dinosaur era here you can tell the country's sort of America in it's 50's.In orientation week i met plenty of people from all sides of the globe-some of them responded to my overeager attempts to build a conversation (at times following tips from Lowndes' How To Talk To Anyone),most of them simply chose to remain zombie-like,at times replying with halfheartedly generated monosyllables that make them sound like pooping infants.And it's not like i don't try-I try fucking hard.The convincing fake laughter made sincere with faux-grins and the occasional fake-breathlessness (Oh you're so unbelievably hilarious!),the look of genuine interest plastered on my face while they babble on about something that sounds like a German Bjork song-but then after a few minutes the conversation seems to reach a dead end,both of us seeking refugee from pretending to be interested in something else (usually this is when my Fake Deep Thought Look comes on-I'm really deep in thought,and it's rude to disturb someone who's in the zone).I don;t use this because it's rude,the intentional kind of rude that stirs away people and gives of an unwelcoming aura,but incase of emergencies-that is,when i'm about to die of boredom from having a conversation so despicably empty and pointless i'd rather pull the quick ''Oh i hear my mother calling'' than continue,and i don't do these kind of things with close friends.Fake friends (oh you know,they have that sick WOW BACKSTABBING IS MY LIFE face eternally stuck on them) yes,but close friends are usually accustomed to my marginally tolerable and often annoying level of bluntness.

The whole paragraph above may have made me look like Satan:predatory,cruel and unforgiving-but those are the qualities that rarely surface into my daily personality,only making special appearances when necessary.And i consider dealing with exceptionally dull people the sort of situation that demands a certain amount of inhumanity and evil for one to avoid having one's brain explode from the almost radioactive level of nuclear boredom.Watched the worst ep of House yesterday,it's lowest point coming about when House cited some quotes from the timeless movie,Casablanca-for the scriptwriters to sink so low (I remember specifically-the lines used were ''We'll always have Paris'' & ''Here's looking at you, kid'' except it wasn't Paris,and the female counterpart in question was a pre-pubescent whore who strived to seduce Dr. House) and after that Heroes was on-the whole ''PLEASE BELIEVE ME I HAVE SUPERPOWERS!!PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE'' thing on the show,that goes on for every character in that bloody godamn forsaken trashcan of a show really,really irks me.Every single fucking episode there'll be some slackerbitch loser who incessantly tries to persuade someone else to believe he/she has superpowers,and the other person never fails to act accordingly with disbelief.It becomes so fucking repeated and so blatantly cheap this show should be BANNED.On second thought,there are plenty of Aussies out there who will probably find a show like that amusing,for some unknown reason i don't intend to find out.

You know how in high school lit classes you're asked to summarize a novel,poem or any book by picking out it's central theme then carefully analyze it?Well,it's clear to everyone today's post has an underlying tone of deep anger and frustration to it-lots of things have been going wrong:the bank taking two weeks to send my new Atm,the building's staff with their rude tactics and hospitality-is-not-in-my-dictionary behaviour,and as angrily describe in a single paragraph-the process of meeting new acquaintances,trying to build new relationships and settling into a new environment does at times provoke teens like me to rant out and engage in total madness.

I have a Film Soc screening to attend-they're showing Woody Allen's Manhattan,a fucking classic to me and there's no way in hell I'm going to miss it-on a side note,the Oscar show was terrific and Ellen D did a fantastic job in keeping the atmosphere bright and mood light.Most of the wins were expected,and if not,they were well-deserved,no big surprises which,in many ways,is a good thing.Classes start next week,and the pocketful of negativity i have in air will hopefully disappear by then.