Visa

I call out for Pa,informing him I'm borrowing a shirt of his for the interview I have for the US Visa tomorrow.He rises from the couch and leads me to the wardrobe,I say "I need something nice and clean,something that says I'm no terrorist"-he opens the door to a wide array of shirts,all ironed,hung neatly on wooden hangers and meticulously color-coordinated.I instinctively reach for the bright white shirt at the far end-having a booming,authoritative voice in my head announcing "Always go for the crisp,pristine white shirt-it works everytime",but as soon as I put it on I look like a high school student and plays Pokemon cards as a hobby.

I've narrowed it down to two.Either go with the tucked-in,side-parted hair/twenty something look like all my life I've had books and ideals,responding to interview questions conventionally and at the same projecting a person who is somewhat naive and uninformed of many things (maybe "I'll support the black man,because he is very skinny and always on CNN"),therefore totally harmless.Give this boy one of those viza thingies,statz!Or,second option-wear something that will immediately catch the interviewer's attention in a good way,maybe a sari.No,like a shirt advertising McDanold's,or some big American brand-as to show how connected I am with American consumerism and/or pop culture,even going so far to say "I've always felt like I belong in US.It's hard to explain it,but its like,my,destiny,you know?" to show what an agreeable person I am.Maybe I'll talk about the profound impact Oprah has on my life,or more recently,the Kardashian family (they're all so stupid and rich-but they stay together,you know?).

I'm also told that they love asking questions that would surely provoke,one time asking a casually dressed Indian man "But why are you going to the US,would your income support that?".I'm prepared to take in all kinds of questions,knowing they want to see my temper control,or how I react to people being offensive.Maybe they'll ask me why I have so much hair on my hands,or if I'm a bit biased against "those White people".Offering bait,hoping I'll succumb and turn green and explode.

I'm definitely overthinking this.I'm told they hand out visas like free cupcakes,unless you do something radical of course-like turn up with a beard or gun or beard with guns in it or whatever.In the end both Pa & I agree on a summery purple shirt that I'll match with light khakis and a thin leather belt.And crocs,hah!Then I'll gel up my hair,be all suave and charming and use my low baritone voice to say things that sound vaguely sexual but you can't be sure and if its a he I'll drop a napkin and proudly display my gorgeous behind.Now I sound like a prostitute.How easily I've enslaved myself for America.Ha-ha,look at me being the Malaysian wirawan.Maybe I'll turn up using with the Jalur Gemilang stylishly wrapped into a turban (and a golden butterfly brooch right at the front,how lovely) and refuse to speak English.Ok,sleep time.But I'll put a napkin in the pants pocket,Plan Z.