The Kellies: A Nepalese Prodigy Pt. 2

Santa spun the best stories for Killian, winning him numerous film and TV offers-from which only the highest bids were considered, her growing commission as manager/publicist propelled her into the music industry-where she found equal success as an alternate persona: Mary Tightcheeks, whose chart-topping singles were disguised as ‘Come-Together’-type messages, but were subversive to the impending Crazy Cougar movement, and as talk-show host, psychiatrist and canine-trainer David Pavlovia wrote: “her music, especially the ubiquitous hits ‘My Body is A Theme Park’ and ‘Getting drunk at Disneyland’ were telling of the artist’ own struggle with maintaining a healthy sex drive, her decrying of age and her simultaneous marriage to three men, a pink Bottlenose dolphin and a paraplegic mega-celebrity which she saw as a mistake too late”.

The two, having earned an enormous success both as individuals and Hollwood’s No. 1 Power Couple, surpassing musicians Jay and Kiki Vingles whose invitation for a country-song duet they declined, it would be many years before the truth was uncovered: the fact that Killian was gravely sick and in ill need of thorough and expensive treatment they could easily afford, except blocked by Santa’s desire for fame and immortality-soon Killian would pass his final breath in a wheelchair, found by their maids and Santa whose mind grew wild thinking their grip on the world would loosen and she’d find herself slipping into oblivion-continued to wheel a now month-old-dead Killian, even having his rotting corpse act in several movies and often proclaiming his total lack of movement an extended effect of a made-up syndrome she blackmailed several WHO officials into verifying.

It was during this prolonged period of Killian’s after-life, when Santa continued to make millions from his name-that allegations arose, connecting the two to recent cases of cyber-terrorism and for months envelopes unmarked were left on their doorstep, Santa promptly fed these to her two Doberman’s-whose diet of premium whale-meat, paper and imported baby-poop kept them strong and sleepless, proving Santa’s security impenetrable-only one envelope, marked INEDIBLE caught Santa’s attention-inside it a single clean sheet, a DNA test result that linked Killian to a newly-orphaned two-year old in the far-west of Nepal, where she flew to next and brought this baby home to raise, at the ripe age of 64 Santa resembled a gruesomely mutilated Barbie-multiple surgeries took a toll on her physical image, which the public renounced along with her rudely unresponsive husband, who she later staged a fake accident for and had cremated, his ashes made into a fine ankle bracelet she later requested to be buried wearing.

Santa knew her final years would be too late to stage a comeback, in any arena-even with funds in the bank set to outlast Earth itself, Killian’s absence rendered everything meaningless-but Santa invested what remained of her on this new baby, nurturing him with all the affection she could exert-this baby, she decided-would be her ultimate legacy, and hopefully undo her wrongdoings-to this baby she devoted every last moment to, choosing a name that would carry her message generations forward: Rumer Enke Jones.


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