Wednesday 29th April
A few minutes before noon, Mr. Tim Lim runs though the office corridors with a comically giant bell. Only happening twice in the past, this signals for what the office populace coins a ‘Hot Plate Meeting’, wherein everyone drops whatever they’re doing and immediately rushes to the Conference Room. Here, a few are lucky to have snapped a seat, while most stand leaning ahead, where Mr. Tim Lim gets ready to launch the bad news.
In a low but unshakable voice, he informs us that a good chunk of our target readership is dying. Remind me never to rely on the 55-80 age group for anything, unless I decide to open a funeral parlor. Once I reach that age, I promise to retire gracefully into oblivion. Demanding no pensions, obliging no children to send me allowance, I’ll live happily ever after in a secluded farm full of beautiful white horses and slaves to meet my every need.
Anyway, Voice is set to embark on a whole new direction: the paper will now attempt to bait in the 25-40 crowd, by first cutting down on those “long and wordy articles” (pronouncing instant death on my beloved Opinion & Commentary). All in exchange for more celebrity culture, local nightlife, and a few other areas I hope they have a For Dummies guide prepared.
I catch Anna across the room chewing on a nail, while my younger colleagues beam a hateful smile.
In the evening Kamilia calls to tell me about her change of ambition. My daughter now aspires to become an environmental lawyer.She quit college,to be part of an inter-state road trip organized by a group called the "Earth Warriors" who go from town to town in a hydrogen-fuel cell bus (apparently better for our ozones) : gathering soil,measuring temperatures,and other things,"in hope of building a case for climate change,which I honestly hope you believe Pa.Snow White was a fantasy,melting ice caps aren't.".
Thursday April 30th
I sneak out of work a few hours early to meet Affendy, who takes me to meet a tall and thickly-built man whose office door reads “Vikram Singh, Fixer”. After some discussion on my finances, Vikram probes into my personal life, asking about my work and family in a suspiciously inviting tone. I answer with more than a bit of hesitation, before excusing myself out.
On the ride home, Affendy updates me on his ongoing struggle with Wifey No. 2. “She takes me for a philandering idiot. Sure I’ve slipped once or twice, but never with the fuglies she accuses me with. So technically I’m not lying, just getting away on account of her stupidity”.
Not wanting to be a personal confidante for his extramarital affairs, I ask to be dropped by a taxi stand, where I take a metered cab to Joyce’s. There, I am made to watch her audition tape: a take on Angelina Jolie in Girl, Interrupted. “I don’t understand why they won’t hire me. I mean, look how talented I am!”. Stealthily performing a top-to-toe scan, I note her growing thighs and a torso built on so many layers of fat,I can’t accurately point to where the tummy ends and breasts begin.
Putting down a family-sized pack of Lays, she dashes into the kitchen coming back with a cup of something steamy in each hand. “Its tea made purely from cat whiskers. Meant to burn off the bad cholesterol, I’ve always wondered how cats stay so skinny even when they're so damn lazy. I bought it from a blind woman in the market.She tried to pocket my change so I stole an extra pack”.
Saturday May 2nd
Mom calls to tell me she’s eloping to somewhere she can’t mention, “We haven’t had a moment of peace, a group of paparazzi has been hounding us everywhere. The Expat broke down the other night to tell me he’s got two wives, one in Chicago and the other in Beijing. So apparently, I’ve been the bitch of a scandal for some time. But, quite the globe-trotter isn’t he? He’s given me half his frequent flyer miles, more a couple thousand I’d say. Think of the places I can go!”
I tell her I might be jobless soon, seeing how the office is being taken over by hipsters. She remarks “Age is a state of mind, Sham. I hope you’ve been exercising regularly though, I can sense your libido dying even as we speak” Before I get another word in, she quips “I have to go now Sham, the pests are here. I’ll send you something special soon”.
On my way out to the gym, I bump into the Jasons by the elevator. I hear them arguing as I approach,unsure if I should hide myself. Upon seeing me the two immediately head for the stairs, their steps awkward. I tell them its 15 floors down,to which the husband jests “We need more cardio!”
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