A: So,you've quit this job yet?
B: No,I might stay another few months.Two to be exact actually,its in the contract.
A: Two months don't sound too bad.
B: Not when you've wasted years rolling from one thing to another.
A: What do you want to do actually? Anything but this,or something particular?
B: A bit of both maybe,the trouble could be that I don't know.What about you,what do you want?
A: I think I'm still too young to be asking that.
B: Or you could be young enough just to.
A: I hate that you sound so disillusioned.
B: Well,I always wanted to be an architect.But after getting my degree,pursuing another five years in Uni wasn't an option.Or it just sounded silly in my head,to spend all that time in school,when others are out there.I used to love to draw,I'd look at the curves and angles and wish I could build and create something just magnificent.Now it sounds childish.
A: The dilemma is that our dreams clash with practicality.I'd love to make a living out of some form of art,writing,painting,singing,whatever my talent may be,but to rely on a single talent to carve out a living-sooner or later you'd have to sacrifice,appeal to the masses,think about where this thing is taking you financially.
B: ee cummings said that Love's function is to fabricate unknowness,in a way the thing I desire most is always something I don't or can't have-the forbidden fruit,except there are others,dozens or hundreds,happily with their piece.
A: I keep at this knowing one day it'll change,I'll be proactive and determined about it-put aside every No that I get,just look towards one direction and invest everything I've got to get there-and if things don't work out-
B: The consolation is that at least you know you've tried,but that's never comforting.To think that you're meant for something,and find out you're not as good as you think.Whereas to blend with the rest-punching numbers,attending parties,doing your 9 to 5-its really not much of a struggle,except for the soul.You'd turn that off,have the rest of you zombie on every task,its depressing in a way,but I'd never call it hard.I'm already 34,and you're only 20ish,I don't know how things will turn out for you,but I hope you choose one day-
A: Choose. I know I could,I know I could just blackout everything else and go for it.But I also know there'll be consequences-people I have to disappoint,opportunities I'd have to kill,a whole life leaped over-its a big choice to make,and I don't think I'm bright or special enough to decide at this age.
B: Well,in a way you're right.You don't simplify,I certainly don't.I jump from one workplace to another,but somehow end up with the same people-despite their different faces and bodies-its the same feeling of discontent,of having made a mistake.Each new beginning marks the death of an old promise,and when I've reinvented myself so many times,got my hopes up on so many ocassions-I feel bored,and its not the people or work anymore-I'm filled with ennui inside,as if I can't move from a certain place,this thing has become more than just physical.
A: Two months actually sounds unbearable.But I'm sure you've gone through worse,and I know this sounds trite-but it could be much worse for either of us.Keep dreaming,keep hoping,you'll never know.
B: Of course I have to still hope,aspire.If I let of my dreams,there'd be nothing left of me-sorry if I'm being cryptic,just nonsensical about this-
A: No its ok,I understand.I feel good talking to you,its always even with some of my closest friends I feel secure enough to confide anything-but some part of me wants to be optimistic,so I end up suppressing all the bad bits-all of that comes out in the form feigned hopefulness-with you,I can be sad,and in a way,that makes me happy.
B: That's twisted.Anyway,I've got to go. I'll see you Friday.
A: I hope so.
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