a change unasked for

Change is something that comes organically and over time,we shed old skins and gain new insights with age and maturing is something inevitable,bittersweet and necessary for us to face the hard realities that come with adulthood-as the novelty and newness of responsibility fades,and I become acclimated to a kind of permanent loneliness-but at times change is an uninvited guest,pounding at the door and barging into your household,rearranging furniture and creating havoc.

It is this type of change which I have been made to bear in this past month,one that forces itself on me and is met with equal amounts bravery,cowardice,fear and curiosity-and I tell myself surviving would be a priority,I would emerge on the other side knowing something more valuable than I had before,but it is not easy.

In this time,I am confronted with my own stupidity-how could I have let this child of a personality take control the whole time,the poor decisions I have made and the even poorer methods I have used to justify them,but oddly too,I stumbled upon a certain wisdom and calmness I did not know I had-a state of mind that takes over in troubling times,I am made to observe,listen and plot my way out of my own predicament.

The cost of being unprepared for such change,is what in the long-term will best preserve me-I have gained the company of people I now know will be companions for a long time and my interactions take on a new breath,to feel a genuine connection for which I have not made to struggle or sacrifice for,to know that kindness is first a conscious choice before it settles into your behavior.

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