I am turning all of 24 later this year and in my mind,I have this vague feeling that I will either die an early death or spend much of my later years occupied doing something so meaningful and wondrous that I won't have time to deal with the petty dramas I have today,I feel propelled to figure out all of my life's queries and uncertainties today and I am quick to give my stunning impatience the honorable guise of a self-proclaimed maturity.
A number of the friendships I've let wither over time,and I'm learning to take the blame and am now often prepared to converse honestly and openly of such severe and awkward topics, I try to avoid feeling self-conscious or the need to sound eloquent, I confine my confessions, apologies and confrontations to words so simple even a two-year old could be taught to utter them, but I am often well-versed with these lines much too late, when the situation no longer needs saving, I feel that I let the worst past, hoping to hop on the swift breeze that follows the storm, so I can cruise into some miracle solution that will send the entire predicament away in a beautiful box bound by a huge pink ribbon.
What I'm getting at is that I find so many of us, people of my age anyway, claim to be adults though we are able to summon the bravery and call of our our dirty, monstrous ego's once we've eyed a reward for ourselves, or when we believe it is time for us to do the right thing, assuming this responsibility with a sense of high morality and righteousness we've somehow fetched to carry us through the task.
We expect others to be ready with forgiveness, for it to exist in limitless quantities and on call whenever we require it, but it is a scarce entity in me, I hold it back and let things simmer until they become unbearable, and a certain element of the friendship is lost and burnt, though often, if the two can somehow find themselves friends again, this kind of destruction can prove productive-after all, it is those who have witnessed your worst form and lasted the experience who have turned out to be life companions-but often, the damage is quick to test a friendship still growing, unprepared still.
We are fast to call ourselves adults, and we are faithful that all our bad days and weeks-the broken friendships and short relationships we have accumulated-will somehow make us a better, emotionally healthier and more knowledgeable person,but time and again what we do not realise is how often our ego gets in the way of true growth, it is something that has helped me come this far, but will for a long time, pull me back to the depths of petty fights and arguments I do not realise are similar to those I have had in my yesterdays, I pray that I eventually overcome the enemy that is my own inability to accept my own flaws and forgive others'-and hope this is nowhere near as terrible and condescending a quality as it sounds.