The Masquerade Ends Tonight

I just watched the final episode of Lost,and i'm gonna skip all that usual chatter about how Lost is such an incredible show,and tell you how i feel about this particular episode.The final episode felt dry,unlike all the previous ones which were mostly filled with suspensful dadadum and heaps of drama,but this one was the best so far for it proved that Lost,is above all a love story about two people.

I just typed a whole bunch of melancholy musings about life,loss and all that shit but figured Hollywood tearjerker films and Nicholas Sparks' novels could do that job instead,so back to my so-called life,today i rented 2 Tarantino flicks (Resevoir Dogs & Pulp Fiction-i figured calling myself a hardcore Tarantino fan would only be true if i'd have seen all his work) but my hopeless laptop pulled this can't change dvd region shit on me,so those dvd's had to wait and they had this poster sale @ union square where FIVE different Kill Bill Vol.2 posters were on sale,but they cost $20 each and i pity anyone stupid enough to pay THAT much for a poster (the same one's in Sungei Wang cos RM 14).

Australia being very mellow and populated with people who may seem unexciting,dull or dead even if compared to the eccentricity of the Americans,very few artists decide to perform here,especially in Melbourne where the graveyard feeling is most evident in the daily headlines-Taxi driver murdered,Model caught with drugs...crime doesn't get more univentive and mellow than this,hasn't the Kate Moss or murdered Bangalli taximan thing been done about a million times before?...a politician might look at all of this and nod excitedly at the Singaporean-ness of it all,but for an aspiring filmaker its just uninspiring,tragic and unspeakably blaghh..Back to the artists thing,i check out Ticketek to see which concerts i might just go to in these few months....Human Nature?Westlife?Youth Group?WHAT THE HELL WHO GOES TO THESE CONCERTS,and worse,with an exception of Missy Higgins,Sarah Mcleod,Kylie Minogue maybe and probably some others,Australian music is the sound of fingernails against a chalkboard to me.

My brain can't seem to concentrate on one thing for too long nowdays,and there seems to be a lot of negative energy wherever i go,so me blaming the country and all is probably another phase in my turbulent life,where in the past week i've been real down and feeling really shitty inside so anyone prepared to give me a lecture about what's good and bad and right and wrong should rethink.For one,i miss my friends at home-Chong/Li-Ann/Ali and all....the friends i have here never seem as actual friends to me,sometimes even the ones i think closest to me surprise me and unveil themselves as huge plastic dolls whom i can't bare to live with,and i wish someone would listen,or notice,or care,and i know its partly me shutting away from the world and refusing to open up and being pessimistic about everything that's bringing about all these issues,but waking up and trying to put on a happy face and bright attitude while looking at the bright side of life is just impossible for me...happiness to me suddenly seems a fictional concept,complete with jumping elves and winged ponies singing cheerful melodies,and with all this work piling up over my head and both my parents continuing to taunt me about studying and all that your future shit its just so fcking depressing,what's even more depressing is that i'm saying all this on this blog of all places,which gives you a clue to how pathetic,empty and colourless my life is now.

And,i have to be mean and say this....to those people,who claim to be friends but wear fancy masks instead,i have a special talent for sniffing out hypocrites,was kinda born with it,so don't come to me with all that friends forever bullshit or with a pitiful face asking if i'm okay,i don't need your pathetic fake sympathy face-save it for drama class will ya,and i don't need friends who are there only for laughs,those people i can find in sitcoms,if you call yourself a friend,BE THERE FOR ME,and its perfectly okay if you can't,but just don't come to me claiming you're a friend when you're really nothing even close to that.ONE MORE TIME ANY OF YOU FAKERS COME TO ME LIKE THAT i'm gonna stuff shit up your mouth and be really really mean about it-so choose a side:friend,or not a friend,and if you choose the former than be a real one,or else stay away,cos' i'm tired of trying to be nice to people whom i know for a fact aren't real,and i'm a good person really but everyone has limits.

Trying to clean my life from all the lies and people who manifest them in their ugly,rotten hearts.