Big World

Well,it's been a pretty productive night as i've spent the last two hours hastily going through two weeks of accounting notes-and i've remarkably emerged unscathed,with my patience and sanity still intact.I had this radical idea to wipe out parts of my past and certain memories that should belong to yesteryears by first attacking on the source of misery (this being:the 5 years spent in boarding school) by deleting everyone on my small (very small,if compared to ones owned by the many Friendster Sluts out there who spend hours behind their monitors eagerly searching for strangers and friends-of-friends they barely know,to add) Friendster list who i prefer never to encounter in my life ever again.This would inevitably mean at least 20% of those on the list-well,honestly they were nice people but it's impossible to not associate them to the 5 Dark Years-would be eliminated,but after thinking for a minute or two i decided it would be rash,unfair and something i would probably regret along the line somewhere.These people are merely people,ornaments to the big universe and only significant if one chooses to acknowledge their presence-okay this sounds demeaning and evil in a way,but don't let my intentions be misread-i'm saying that their effect on my life,or,for that matter,the past's effect on my life-boils down to personal choice.And it really doesn't matter if they're there or not,because i have my friends and beyond that it's wholly unimportant what the others do or who they are.Few months ago i made a pledge to always reject friend requests from strangers,juniors whom i weren't close to or people i only knew very,very little about-back then i perceived Friendster as being some sort of tool for intimacy,a virtual bridge of friendship that helped connect people (and to a certain extent it does)-but today Friendster has cheapened itself to a point where it's unavoidable to have strangers adding you on a daily basis,it's become a harmless mating service for kids-hence to treat Friendster as something even remotely meaningful would perhaps be silly.Those people listed as friends are mostly people i can't bring myself to care about even if i tried,but to take the whole thing seriously and ignorantly call Friendster 'fake,useless' (As a lot of reposted items on the survey board usually say-they always come with threats by people that they would soon quit Friendster:damn these people should find real causes to work against-Friendster isn't even a legitimate thing to be passionate about) would also be wrong because it does help in finding old friends and all that carnival hura-hura shit.And people tend to want to show how outgoing and cooler they are by posting a lot of raunchy pics that should be locked in one's personal collection,only to face daylight by accident-some that i've seen are couples doing what ostensibly looks like sex with clothes on,their genitals rubbing each other as they smile to the camera with horny grins perfectly orchestrated and suitable for a porno film's poster-or the myriad of schoolgirls with pictures of them wearing thick make-up,looking all glammed up and wearing the most expensive things they can find-it's as if they one day said ''Hey,let's wear really pretty stuff,go to the mall and take some pics for Friendster-because,you know,it's cool!''-because they looked too overdressed for their age or a random location like the mall.Whereas in countries like Australia and US they have,what i presume,trends that were based on the desire to feel individual and different,trends in Malaysia usually originate from,what i presume,to be total stupidity.It's as if some of the teens back home had their head smacked repeatedly and their brains smashed.to have contributed in the establishment of a culture so desperate for acceptance that it's shamelessly copied Western trends,butchering them beyond recognition by choosing to bare them in the silliest way possible.And i don't consider myself cool-but in many ways i'm appreciative of this fact-because in my opinion being yourself counts (and if you're naturally cool,good for you),and merely distorting yourself by letting society choose for you (whether it be food choices,or wardrobe choices,whatever) means giving up the one thing that matters most-you.By succumbing to the pathetic rules people place you lose the privilege of choice,you follow thoughtlessly,and in this you've reduced your human mind and soul to the form of a mindless,robotic droid that's marginally different to a rock.So i think it's perfectly okay to not be able to fit in,to feel misplaced at times,feel disorientated-because it's not necessary to fit in or change yourself for the sake of being apart of something,because the world is much,much bigger than that.And these people are merely people,unless they're good friends they don't really matter much so it's best to not place too much value on their opinions or let them influence who you are.If someone you barely care about hurts you,tries to change you-let it be and move on,no need to fight,just walk on,smile and keep your head high-because,like those unknown insignificants lying passively in my Friendster list,the world is too big for someone so godamn trivial to matter.