Spiderman 3

Just returned from watching Spiedrman 3 at Hoyts.

So when the film ends and the lights come on,I look to Clarice who has sunk to her chair,one hand clutching her chest and the other over her mouth-that was exactly how I felt after the movie, too-it felt unbelievable.

Overwhelming.Exhilarating.Whatever.

I'm too tired to think straight so this so-called review will be a dumb-ass,lazy one-those searching for an intelligent,through analysis should look elsewhere.

Firstly,to come up with a simple,short and perfectly relevant description of the film would be undifficult-it was all a bit too much.There were three separate villians,several subplots and overall it was like pumping too much air into a bicycle tyre.Kaboom.But they just keep pumping.Just for fun,here are the list of things I would personally omit from the film (spoilers-but I doubt they'll spoil your experience):

-Mary-Jane & Harry's rekindling.Yes,Spidey's become a selfish,boastful bastard and begun to ignore his 'girl-next-door' girlfriend,so she strays off right into the arms of the normal guy next door.When they dance in the kitchen childishly,acting silly and basking in their own common,everyday normality-we get it,they're both normal and can't possibly compare to Peter's fame and power.But then Harry's amnesia disappears,and he becomes some sort of twisted puppeteer-threatening Mary Jane,smirking and scoffing like Satan while Peter and Mary Jane both sulk in their individual misery booths.It's all a bit too soapy,like an undiscovered Spiderman reel made with Meg Ryan and a charming-romantic-comedy-turned-sour plot idea in mind.

-Two parts.First,where Parker walks coyly on a street feeling all self-absorbed and shit-he dances,flirts,people stare and stuff.Not funny,just really dumb.And another part in a jazz bar where he dances around,spoofing Jim Carrey in The Mask-either a blind,aspiring MTV video director did this,or they really thought it would work.Some of the film's weakest parts.

-So when Spidey discovers his uncle's true killer,he feels enraged and like Harry,engages in a personal vendetta to avenge his uncle.At the same time,he stumbles upon Venom-this alien thingy which attaches itself to people,making them all dark and evil.I'm sure spidey comic fans know what the hell this creature is-I mean,first it lands on some meteor or something-we're never given any explanation about where it comes from,why it's evil by nature,how come in the end it dies from hearing the clicking of metal pipes-the whole concept's intriguing and the special effect opportunities the film gets from the introduction of this character is astounding-but the lack of explanation for this character goes to show how lazy the writers were.

-Topher Grace.He's a nice guy-all cunning smiles and quick,witty jokes-and when he turns evil it's supposed to be frightening,shocking and entertaining-but he has the voice of a 16 year old and a face that says 'I sleep before 9,go to all my tutorials and aspire to become a worthy member of the society'.So when the vicious-looking Venom takes over,voiced by Topher Grace-it's like Dakota Fanning trying to pull a Jack Nicholson.

The film didn't feel long,in fact I felt thoroughly entertained allthroughout-it just felt tedious and messy,the film's tone constantly indecisive about which part it wanted to focus on.New things kept appearing-new conflicts,characters turning bad-good (vice versa),new characters,bla bla bla.Plus,I laughed quite loudly (and crudely) a few times-and I was certain I wasn't the only one laughing.Examples:

-So the climax arrives-Spidey has to save Mary Jane from a cab suspended mid-air while battling two baddies.There's a lot of action onscreen-Spidey hits,gets hit,hits again-goes up,down,swerves,ducks,leaps and does all kinds of cool Spidey stunts,when at one point both Sandman and Venom have him tied and are about to kill him-it gets my heart racing like mad-then the camera moves to a tv reporter who says something like "This is unbelievable.I cannot believe this is happening to Spiderman".Which is when I burst out laughing.Can it BE (Chandler-style) more obvious?It's like the directors felt like they were showing this film to a couple of newborn retards-so they sneak in a line in the script that's supposed to say "Hey,cuties-incase you're too stupid to figure it all out-Spiderman's getting his ass kicked and this doesn't happen much and he might just die"-and all us adorable retards go "OH".

-So Harry knew Spidey killed his dad (back in Spiderman 1) and still refuses to let go-he turns to the dark side,finds a couple of neat-looking explosives and goes out to hunt Spidey,determined to kill him.For a very long time,he holds on to this murderous grudge-only until an accident leaves him with amnesia,so when he regains his memory he sets out to accomplish his orginal plan-yaddi yaddi ya.So as a viewer,you expect him to personally figure out these tough issues he has and finds it in himself to forgive Peter,right?Uhum.This is how it really goes-he goes out to kill Spidey,fails,gets into some memory loss problem,remembers again,goes out to torture Spidey's body and soul now-but wait,he has a stunning,significant realisation-which pushes him to forgive and turn all good again.But who is this pure,kind soul who has reminded him of his inner goodness and persuaded him to embrace forgiveness?Himself?His best friend Peter?Peter's Grandma?Mary Jane?Someone important?Or some deliberately random and insignificant character who appears out of nowhere suddenly,only to conveniently provide him some much-needed deep 'life' advice (before disappearing into the abyss of nothingness he originated from,never to be seen ever again?!)?If you guessed that last one,you're a genius.His godamn fucking butler,who has barely two lines in the entire movie-comes along and elects himself Oprah,giving Harry all the tasty moral advice that inspires him to let go.Humph.

-So when Spidey turns evil,he dumps his old-self in favour of a new personality-he's rebellious,destructive,unrestrained-this new him hurts Mary Jane,and almost kills his best friend.So how is this change depicted?Black,thick eyeliners,a new sideparting that covers half his face,and basically he looks more goth,punk or whatever.Which is why I have a pic of 30 seconds to Mars frontman Jared Leto up there-the resemblence is uncanny.Parker's been made a cheap and obvious imitation of Leto.I'm sure there were smarter methods the directors or whoever in charge could've used to depict the personality change-something subtle and not laughable-but they've turned him into a gothic,angry teenager who listens to My Chemical Romance,has a 'Fuck Conformity' tatoo on his ankle and vows to one day run from home to become a transexual prostitute in Vegas.

And many more.

Yes,I laughed a lot-but they weren't times when I should have.But who cares.The film does have its share of corny moments which are easy to forgive (I'm sure without them,it would've felt too serious) and it gets many things right.

-Mary Jane,although still no less than a mere damsel in distress,is more fleshed out this time around and given more screen time.Kirsten Dunst crying a bit too much,but better than ever.

-The previous Spidey installments gave too much focus on Spiderman,we almost forgot Peter Parker's actually human.In Spiderman 3,there are times when Parker breaks down,cries and it all makes a compelling watch-Tobey Maguire finally gets a chance to act,and not just act all dorky and adorable.

-The effects more superior than that of the first two (even though the second won an Oscar for visual effects)-if there's one thing that definitely doesn't disappoint,it's the action scenes.Though laden with special effects,cgi and all that techy shit-it still takes your breath away.It's obvious they spent a hell lot of money for this film.

-Bryce Dallas Howard,Thomas Haden Church and Topher Grace are all,in theory,interesting and vital in their own individual way-but they're too forgettable.Much of the film's limelight still belongs to Peter & Mary Jane,in this way our interest might sustain for future sequels to attract us.

-The ending.As the last two films have determined endings set out with a particular objective (the first:to say bye bye Mary I can't risk you,the second:yeay we're in love now and everything's okay),this time director Sam Raimi adopts an open-ending where things are left in shades of grey,uncertain.Much like how the film's uncertain about almost everything.Thumbs up for the ending.

That breathless feeling I got after the film-it fades away eventually,and disappears after 15 mins or so.The film has many flaws,but in the end it all satisfies and it gives you your money's worth.The effects alone provide enough reason for anyone to see this movie-the way the motion breathes and lives in this film,you can't find it elsewhere.But don't expect any emotional fullfillment or satisfaction from the storyline,though-many critics have penned this the worst Spidey flick,in which the franchise jumps the shark-and it's perfectly understandable-but I still reckon it's quite good,but could've definitely been better.

Go rent out Batman Begins if you want something much better.

4/5