So,we went for some much needed angst-freeing karaoke today.A lot of cruel teasing with the sappy pop songs at first,but then it was time to get serious and truly engage with our rage-diminishing the walls blocking us from unleashing our emotions,battling self-consciousness-and finally,just scream and shout.It was liberating.Anyways-I've realized karaoke can open your eyes to how truly asinine some songs are,and after much (not really,the choice was far too obvious) deliberation,the Worst Songwriting Award goes to Gwen Stefani whose songs are so outrageously stupid (lyrically) that you've just got to respect the woman for agreeing to sing them.
Save all your loving for me
We can't escape our love
Give me everything that you have
(4 In The Morning) Possibly the lines overheard during a playground rapping contest for demented infants.
Cause I've been acting like sour milk fell on the floor
It's your fault you didn't shut the refrigerator
Maybe that's the reason I've been acting so cold
(Sweet Escape) Impossibly dumb.
See, I'd have all the money in the world, if I was a wealthy girl
No man could test me, impress me, my cash flow would never ever end
Cause I'd have all the money in the world, if I was a wealthy girl
(Rich Girl) You'd have all the money in the world,if you were a wealthy girl-your cash flow would never end?Did you get an FBI agent to help you write this shit?-cos it's seriously brilliant.This is the kind of stuff you'd hear from someone who was heavily drunk,right before he/she dies from the over-intoxication.
When we touch it turns to gold
Sensitive and delicate, kinda like a tuberose
You know you are my treasure chest
It's pure perfection when we kiss and
You're my Mr., I'm your Miss
Gonna be until we're old
(Luxurious) This would be a suitable Backstreet Boys song.If they were all a bunch of tweens who think Iraq and Clinton are handbag lines.Like,oh-my-god.
Stupidity this extreme should be labeled Terrorism,and we should all be protecting our nation and children's minds from it.So if you do happen to find Gwen Stefani (or whichever genius behind these songs),kill her.Or at least throw a tomato into her face.