Ice

Tremendous weekend,body's aching all over and I've got a couple baby scars on my thighs and hands but its all good.First day snowboarding,which started off promising but I simply couldn't control the bloody board and in the spirit of reckless abandonment 3 of us went down one of the more difficult slopes,at 4pm when the blizzard was so violent you could hardly see anything and the snow was few meters deep so it was all mushy and if you fell it took a while to get back up.It was so draining that after the small post-dinner gathering I began to doze in and out of sleep at the couch,before finally heading off to bed at about midnight where I slumped my body face down only to wake up 8 hours later in the exact same position.

Second day,emergency switch to skiing.Easy to pick up,steering was a breeze but I couldn't brake so the first slope I tried involved plenty of falling down.At least I could turn,as to avoid plunging off an edge to forever be known as "That Asian who fell off a cliff".What a fucking cliche that would be.I stopped counting after the fifth time I tumbled like an idiot,though all of the falling was done on purpose (yes,true-ish) because I found it really hard to brake-I kept my skis in the triangle position,but the speed only grew more uncontrollable each time and once I fell on this really steep slope only to find my right leg snuggled up nicely near my right ear and my left ski detached and 50 meters behind.But at that point falling wasn't a big deal and we all had a whole lot of fun anyhu.And I got to help this kid who was clad in the whole skiing suit so he looked like an infant astronaut (astrotots?)-he fell,dropped one of his poles quite far behind him and was stranded right in the middle of the path repeatedly trying to climb to fetch his pole while avoiding the skiers who passed by like thunder-I stopped by the side (well,more like ski-ed up a tiny slope,crashed slowly and anti-climatically into a pile of snow),took off my gear and helped this kid fetch his pole-he said "Thank You" and I replied "Careful kid,you don't wanna get hurt"-Hah I've transformed from Asian dumbass to Chuck Norris!Plus,I think I lost at least 3 kgs-my thighs and tummy feel a bit toned,definitely a bit of new muscle on the arms (well,hellloooo there) and my bum looks less like a pair of deflated basketballs.That's about it really,one of the more personal trips I've been on-everyone got along really well (like "I'm Sal","I'm Lee"-"Hey,lets go on the chair lift up to Cloud 9 and make out like they do in the movies","Okay,but only to that first bit","Loves it"),and even those who returned with fractured ribs or popped shoulders came back smiling through their exhaustion.*

*Apparently there's this winter weed medicine thing they give you if you're sick,but I'm sure some part of that happiness was natural.

Lastly,Sunday Night Viewing.Thank God You're Here showcases some of the more talented local comedians-face it,Aussie comedians aren't the funniest of the bunch and highlights of the Annual Melbourne Comedy Fest are always foreigners-which is why this show is such a fantastic idea,you've just got to see it.Its pure entertainment for 30 minutes,and though sometimes they get a few rotten comedians (like that Vietnamese guy,whose pitch is to basically play a guy who speaks in the Vietnamese slang-what a lazy,brainless douche-if I see him on the street I'm going to start a riot and get people to throw sharp objects at him) overall its an excellent show.The only sad part is its followed by Rove.Here's my deal with Rove.One or two years ago I happened to catch an episode where he had Toni Collette as a guest-and he pressed this one crap joke for about 50 times,repeated it before and after the commercials to the point where I could feel my brain vibrating at the sheer humorlessness of Rove.I won't tell you what the joke was,cos' you could go youtube-ing it and then be traumatized for life then I'd really hate myself for it.Anyhu,from then onwards I swore to never again torture myself by watching this shitty show,but today decided to give it a second go.And wadya know,he's still unfunny-excitable as hell,says his "jokes" in a manner that is obviously scripted and is graced with an audience who obviously laugh on cue.Or they could be robots.If this was America,viewers/the network wouldn't be nearly as merciful and this show would've been axed ages ago.

We'll close with the trailer for the upcoming Michael Cera flick (link here),oh no he's in another cute indie flick playing a nervous,twitchy teen who's awkward with girls.I really hope he doesn't get typecast into that role,because the guy can do so,so,so much more and he needs to stop accepting these boring scripts,write one for his own and get it produced.For the time being,we all need to go catch this movie and support his career,because you need money to make money.I'm sure that made cents.Hah I made a punny,yeay me.