“I think I accidentally shaved off a nipple last night”.
It was the dimwittedness of Kelly 3 that made her charming, or at least tolerable to the rest. These four girls were all enrolled in the same university, had their mealtimes synced and normally prowled over campus in a perfect line with legs freshly-waxed, adorned with heels only found on Italian runways and weren’t available in stores until a couple seasons after, during when the Kellies wouldn’t be caught dead wearing them. Though differentiated by a few narrow aspects, all four were nicknamed Kelly but numerically identified according to some arbitrary rank. They all had long, cheap-looking weaves that perpetually bellowed against the wind as they spoke, and despite being born and having spent most of their lives in their native country of Marrasia, the Kellies managed an American accent that was severely affected with riotous R’s and S’s and no one knew the origin of.
While others in Funtown University mingled liberally and maintained connection with select, though partially exclusive social circles, the Kellies reserved themselves to a clique and were normally spotted in parties or functions cuddled closely in one tight corner, chatting about the most ho-hum things with much exaggerated enthusiasm. Despite their unspoken contract explicitly banning direct, solo verbal or non-verbal communication with a non-Kelly, one of them had in fact dipped their toes into forbidden waters, once in a while sneaking mealtimes with others and it was through fellow non-Kelly and closeted foot fetishist, Ehma, that Kelly 2 was kept informed of the many absurd, growing speculations on the Kellies.
These lies were typically harmless, though some of them truly fascinated Kelly 2-who, in the privacy of her own bedroom, secretly harbored a large collection of old spy novels belonging to her late father-for one, it was rumored that the decent-looking but exceptionally dumb Kelly 3 was a beggar/failed prostitute the Kellies had picked up and given a radical makeover, and prescribed a new, more polished dossier to. Kelly 4, who ate nothing but peas although thankfully she had a found a peculiar market on the outskirts of Funtown that sold peas in many sizes, colors and forms, was rumored to be an actual, but abnormally intelligent sheep the Kellies had a retired witch transform to human. A boy their age, Jeri, notorious for his promiscuity and whose penis was rumored to run on natural steroids so it swelled to the size of three MAN-sized beer cans upon erection, had openly bragged to others that he had plunged his grossly oversized phallus into Kelly 4, but confided to a friend that Kelly 4 did not moan or yell out profanities like a normal girl did during intercourse, but made bestial sheep noises.
The Kellies remained in their bubble, perceived themselves the reigning power of some elite group that did not exist, and continued to dress themselves in the most expensive garments their parents' ever-contracting wealth could afford, trained themselves to play some imaginary social arena, all to impress people who found the entire Kelly phenomena too ridiculous to ignore,and gave the attention the Kellies thirsted for.One keen observer was Rumer: A tall, unconventionally handsome and bespectacled politics Major who was said to own what people called The Rumer Factory. The story goes that Rumer spent two years in training with the Asian CIA/Government-owned Mafia where he specialized in Tactical Negotiations & Strategic PR and learned that with enough patience, networking skill and a personal image that hovered between brutal intimidation and cuddly approachableness, he could spin the most absurd lies that gossip and hearsay would eventually carry far and deep into the community.
Rumer was employable with payment, though it was unknown to the World that the Rumer Factory was no one-man show: Rumer and Kelly 2 had tried for years to penetrate and disband the Kellies, with rumors that would have otherwise drove others wild with negative thoughts and infant paranoia. The two attempted it half-heartedly at first, with computer software they crafted nude pictures of all four Kellies engaged in a risqué, tastefully-designed lesbian orgy for which the duo hired uncanny lookalikes, broke and desperate actors to make a video version of, and released this into the Internet. Being the perverted and unpredictable world it was, this video found its way into the adult entertainment industry and went on to be a huge success under the appropriately crude title of ‘Popping Kellies’, inspiring spin-off titles and a range of transparent and glow-in-the-dark lingerie, lesbian sex toys and a short-lived, post-midnight reality show on Fox that featured four big-breasted college students who denounce their heterosexuality and run to a faraway ghost town to rear a bunch of precocious sheep.
A portion of the profits from the venture was won, via Street Court-where drug dealers, baby-peddlers and other degenerates went to settle arguments, for the presiding Judge Modern Justice to reflect over and call the shots.Rumer and Kelly 2, found a new appetite for destruction from having fallen so hard before, and began to use these funds to scheme, and gradually execute a plan tentatively titled “Snakebite on the Crotch”. They hired help and built a team of superb intelligentsia, consisting of four other university students-including Ehma and Jeri- who each contributed a different talent and dynamic to the newly-expanded and Street Court-funded Rumer Factory: while business ran as usual on the forefront, the team gathered covertly and devoted considerable hours and mental energy into fortifying their near-bulletproof plan.
“I guess you can’t have twins and simultaneously breastfeed them now”.
With that, Kelly 3 clutched her left breast and began sobbing profusely, although she didn’t fully comprehend what Kelly 1 had just said. She accepted her stupidity and thought God balanced this by gifting her incredible skin and a taut, gravity-proof bum felt her search for Mr. Right threatened by the missing of one nipple. Kelly 2 took a bite from her Granny apple although it tasted like her Uncle Dio's armpit, and nonchalantly put her twice-weekly manicured hand on Kelly 2’s as a genuine form of consolation.