13.6.06

Dreams and Reality

We learned about hypnosis in psychology today,and towards the end a girl seated in the third row calmly asked "Can people be hynotised into dieting or eating more vegetables?"-once everyone heard,instead of looking upfront to note the lecturer's response to this people started looking at this girl,taking down mental pictures of her waistline,stomach size and general state of being obese.Giggles were heard from behind the hall,i sympathised with this girl who seemed to be utterly oblivious of the laughter and shrude comments circulating,but after a while i came to admire this girl for her bravery-and award her a medal of somekind,but asking for her signature on the way out would've been totally out of line.

Determined to look as if i've lost a least a little weight since leaving home,i've resorted to extreme methods-today morning i vowed to live on vegetables per se until i reach Malaysia,unfortunately these pie-crust promises i make to myself never fail to last more than a single day and as a result the cravings for meat-based products and junk food take the toll late at night when my body can't take the torture anymore and i end up going down to 7-eleven armed only with my trustworthy ATM.Speaking of visits to 7-eleven,i must've gone there at least 40 times a day without even realising because a few minutes ago i went down to grab a bag of cheese nachos and a bottle of coke,when i finally got up to pay the cashier said "Hello brother,nice to see you again".The horror!Being regarded as a regular customer by 7-eleven employees is a disgrace!-they must think i'm some kind of lazy ass who practically lives on crackers,chocolate and gassy drinks.Well i am duh,i'm a normal teenager and junk food occupies around 50% of what i eat-but this is too much.Shit,i need another coke.This time i'll buy 50 bottles to stock up for the next month or so,and i'll wear sunglasses and talk in a french accent when i go in as to become totally unrecognizable.

I sit here totally confused-my eyes dart from the monitor to the psychology notes and math practice sheets i've scattered all over the table and for a minute i contemplate studying,but this hardworking spirit quickly dies before i can even reach for a highlighter.Why do we thrive on earning degrees and academic qualifications?-right now i have to oblige because the minute i mention the words ''filmaker'' or ''pusuing dreams'' and ''life is short'',i open pandora box and book myself to hours of gruelling lectures about the so-called reality by my parents.

Me: Pa,i think i should have the right to pursue my own dreams instea of having to fit in to your definition of ''successful'' by taking a degree i absolutely don't want or need.

Pa: I worked day and night to finance your education,and if you're thinking of wasting all my efforts on a bloody useless degree i'd rather save all that money and put you in a local university instead.

Me: But.... (rethinks about arguing and realises this is utterly pointless)...I need to go now.

Pa: No you sit down and listen.

The one with the money has all the power-so i'll have to live with this for now.But wait till i grow up,and use my talents to make the greatest films you'll ever see.I have all these ideas about films,lines,scripts,characters and plot-lines but for now the only thing i can do is write them in my diary with hope they'll be realised someday.If i do end up becoming a rich tycoon with no soul-slap me in the face and tell me what a disappointment i've become,and we'll talk about the journeys we were meant to take but never did and all the dreams we lost (over cups of slurpee's).

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