There are times when i get so down no amount of chocolate,medicine or counselling can get me up again and the only solution is to let time heal the wound.I think about things,and people and look at my life so far and wonder if this is really it-if what i see before my eyes is really all there is to my life.Because if it is,its not enough.Some friends i have call themselves so but really are nothing but hypocrites who take me for granted.Ayesha.July.Ali.
If there is a person inside me for the world or myself to discover these three people have come closest.Or else there simply lies an empty void of nothingness.I don't even know who i am anymore.I sit down and stare at the motionless of it all,wondering random thoughts that seem to increase in number,further perplexing my already complicated life-does unconditional love exist,wait,does love exist?Why am i here-what am i doing here,am i happy,who are these people smiling around me,whose voice is it that tells me dark stories when i go to sleep?Yes,a lot of this doesn't make sense i admit,but then again my entire life,once inspected closely,slowly turns into a magnificent blur i can't seem to understand.
Why did God create me-and why have so many scars been inflicted onto me-is it wrong that i am asking such questions,should i really just accept my fate and surrender to the blindness of prayer?I'm drifting off even further as days pass,with more questions popping up constantly-leaving me dazed,confused and lost in my own inexplicable web of worrying and regret.
This doesn't make sense i know.
God if there is a way show me one my heart can follow and understand-give me a sign,an answer perhaps-help me find the truth to everything my heart seeks to understand.
I know i'm not supposed to write out prayers here,but that's how i feel right now.
Lost,just completely and utterly lost.