21.10.06

The Walk Home

Pencils held freeze as our eyes mark the time,and people start darting towards to door,too eager to leave class that the teacher's presence has become completely unnoticed.So crowds begin to form outside the building,people chatting about the day's mediocre events as they laugh at their tiny misfortunes the day fate had handed them,i reach the front of the building and my feet momentarily refuse to move,as my eyes reluctantly survey the area and i realise noone's alone except myself,a feeling of dread and dark insecurity begins creeping in but i force myself to continue walking and instead look at the earth's floor as i miserably navigate around crowds and finally find the clear walkaway that would eventually lead me home.And i breathe in again.My pace becomes more relaxed without them breathing down my neck,their piercing glances and stunted smiles make my fingers curl in fear,and i look back towards them one last time before walking forward-noone seems to have noticed my short stuggle,and for a brief second i imagine myself a castaway,finally escaping from the world into solace and quiet.

And then you're by my side,i suddenly notice a peculiar feeling of warmth as i walk,and my eyes venture to find you next to me-your hands wrap their cold fingers around mine,you smile and wordlessly communicate so many things my concious mind could not decipher,but i felt release,comfort and they came without being asked to or fully understood.We continue walking hand in hand,a grin on your face and my thoughts simply disappear-both of us looking forward,the sweat in my hands gradually dry and my head becomes light enough for flight,for a minute i contemplate talking but decide against it as to not destroy this exciting conversation we have managed with no words at all,alas the menacing sounds of chasing cars,foreign voices and the world's chaos had reduced to a total serenity,all i hear are the sound of our footsteps while they change slightly as we walk from grass to concrete then sand.

I suddenly realise that my sense of direction had completely taken leave and i was walking towards nowhere,but this small worry quickly fades when i look to you and once again discover that reassuring smile that seems to have answered all my troubles,the way your presence had miraculously filled the bottomless void that was loneliness.A strong wind brings the grace of some fallen leaves towards us,and as they pass,scratching harmlessly against my skin i look at your face and the inner softness of your face glows slightly,the leaves blown against your face seem to have no effect as you walk on oblivious of the cold or my surprise.

I reach the door to my home and my hands feel cold,the clenched fists open to relax themselves as vains begin to travel blood to my fingers-my eyes now look bloodshot and my face pale,the weather slightly responsible but it was more of anxiety that had caused this-i enter my room and thoughtlessly caress the window panes,looking out onto the streets that have become full of metal things and strangers,i fall slowly,my head rests against the carpet and my skin becomes one with the floor,and like everything in the room i finally become motionless,empty and for a moment,lifeless.My breathing slows,without consent or hesitation my hand reaches out for an instrument of some sort and time seems to have vanished,i do not know how fast or slow things are going,and then there is blood from my hands.My entire body hurts and shrieks in absolute horror at the pain,but it doesn't move at all,as if a new strength had appeared to protect me at this crucial time.Nothing moves except the stream of blood that continues to come out onto the floor,in which it forms a luminous puddle of dark red.Inside i seem to be shivering frantically,but the matters of my own weak body does not concern or affect me-i just need your company again,so desperately that this need has taken control of all my thoughts and actions,i become trapped in a body that has finally gained suffiecient strength to act itself.The blood gushes slightly and becomes slow,a large tear falls out my left eye but there is not much compassion or regret left to give,and without warning conciousness starts slipping away and i do not resist it-my legs seem to have disappeared,the sense of being now reduced to a feeling of absolute lightness-there are no thoughts,there is no pain.And finally once again i have your hands in mine,and finally there is nothing but this.Your hands,and mine.

3 comments:

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ateqs said...

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well anyways,nice post.i like it.

li-ann said...

a descriptive, evocative piece. wuts ur play abt?

i finished haruki murakami's Kafka on the Shore. totally bizarre yet completely natural...i am intrigued to discover the rest of his writings.

j.t's boppiness has posessed me. his vids a bit overt tho.

not sure abt blogging nemore. i'll explain on my blog. also considering switching to LJ.

whoa prom eh. got ur tux? a date?

do update me on mayer's concert. i must say a sample of his new album has redeemed his reputation a lil in my eyes. i'll dl ur recommendations...

post photos of both occasions k?

may the Force be with u for exams =]