End of The Year

So this is how the end of college feels like.
A mixture of regret,relief and absolute numbness-i feel happy that this rollercoaster of emotions and bittersweet adventures has finally ended,but a feel a bit sad that i haven't made full use of the year,and i regret having spent too much time dwelling with dark thought to notice all the opportunities for salvation.
Drama exam was yesterday and it went perfectly well,my drama team mates are some of the closest friends i have here-and every minute spent practising drama was enjoyable,those nights spent talking about our past experiences,and when it came the time for the final performance-at first i was nervous but then upon entering the stage,the many stagelights shining in my direction made the entire audience invincible,only traces of their silhouettes visible,so the nervousness quickly went away as i performed to an empty room,and all went according to plan.
Now,back to talking about the year.
People throw judgements at me-call me names and describe me with negative traits-but you don't know who i am,as close as you think you are to me,your judgements about me may not be accurate but i'm able to understand how you've managed to think that of me.I can be mean,cynical and extremely cruel,but a true friend will be able to tell you who i really am-and i have my share of flaws,but none of them being the one you've given me.Strangers take one look at me and come up with a million preconceptions,while some of the people closest to me don't know me yet-why?-because it takes years to know me,it takes years to understand why i'm this way and truly be my friend,or else you're just someone who knows me.The year's been terrific-but again i say,i have my regrets,some of them being that i trusted someone too much,became too close to someone,or too distant from someone-but at the beginning of the year i expected college to be much worst,and the fact that its turned out this way is a miracle.I wish i had opened up more and been less insecure when it came to making new friends,but this scar's been there for quite sometime and takes time to heal,so i'll let my wounds breath and i'll take my own sweet time to truly recover from the years of pain behind me.But i've definitley grown and learned more,despite still being sarcastic and full of crap at times-i've now learned to understand things and people,but the subject of myself is still an unsolved mystery.

Two-thirty 7 a.k.a the-film-noone's-heard-about-but-should-definitely-watch,was recently released in France (2nd poster) and the official dvd (1st poster) will arrive in aus late jan.This is one of the best films i've seen,and i'll definitely buy the dvd for my collection.

I want ice-cream.I want to argue.I want to escape.But above all,i want an honest conversation with a true friend-i need to talk-i jus need to talk.One honest conversation.That's all i ask for.

And if not,don't speak at all.

No comments: