Corn

I read the "24 hours in (insert travel location)" in the Sunday Age and am always skeptical-there's no way anyone could do so much in just one day.When I go traveling,I always prepare a terribly ambitious itinerary that never works out-but over the years,I've found that planning things down to the minute is not always the best option.In this case,we'd reach a location and be given a couple hours to fully explore the place-but when it was time to move,we raced to the meeting place and sped to our next location.

The trip was exhilarating,although it was raining constantly and myself and the camera were drenched most of the time.But my EOS 400d's been through much worse,so I know it can take a bit of rough work and march past bad weather unscathed.We tracked through many different landscapes,tested through the manically changing weather and saw the big and small of things.The trip lasted a mere two days,but so much was said and done that by the end a full day of doing absolutely nothing sounded a bit appealing,but more so wasteful.

Spending time at the animal zoo,I found myself remembering the many animals I had as a kid-tortoises,hamsters,rabbits,fishes,cats and the secretly adopted stray dogs down the street whom I occasionally left tiny snacks for-how they've come and gone,and how comforting it was to feel their fur and skin right next to yours,how-when you looked in their eyes,those beautiful black beads that look like storm clouds-you'd see the indifference and slight fear,and wonder what they were thinking.Maybe I want food or I want to sleep or I want some sex or something like that,or maybe not.

Spark

MGMT-Electric Feel
My Bloody Valentine-I Only Said
Destroyer-Blue Flower/Blue Flame
...

Months

Funny Games (Michael Haneke, 1997) -There's something infinitely unsatisfying about this film's true purpose-here's the basic layout:two smartly-dressed maniacs invade the house of a small,helpless family of 3-and all the beef's in seeing how far the torture tactics go,and if the family gives in or somehow devises an escape at any point.Besides that,there's a very small,tongue-in-cheek message about entertainment (and what it really means for some people)-so it all boils down to the Funny Games they play,and that's not saying much.It's not as smart as it thinks it is,and beneath its clinical veneer of psychological dementia there's a huge space that begs to be filled with a substantial story.

4 Months,3 Weeks,2 Days (Cristian Mungiu,2007)-Breathtaking,it just seeps into you with its bleak,yet realistically portrayed view of a person's feelings when having to deal with something extremely uneasy.The director,in his patient and naturally impartial manner,allows you access into this young woman's heart-as she faces up to responsibilities,and having to push through it all on her own.There's nothing else I can say about it-immensely affecting,5/5.

Hidden (Michael Haneke, 2005)-Now here's a real story in comparison to Funny Games,one with deals with a incredibly difficult subject (which I can't reveal without spoiling).Somewhere in the middle the pacing gets a bit sloppy and the mother-son parts seems annoyingly pointless,plus other characters (aside from the main guy) are limited,like how the wife's either whining,being suspicious or throwing a ruckus all the time.Overall,a decent horror film that's more conceptual than meaningful-too caught up with its many secrets and mysteries,resulting in a somewhat muddled character study.

Horton Hears a Who (Jimmy Hayward,2008)-The thing about animated movies is that a lot of them undermine the real power of a child's imagination-where great visuals exist,a conventional story does along with a heap of dumb fart jokes and deceptive depictions of uncreative kookiness.With Horton-you get a whole tiny universe of beautiful odd things that don't necessarily make sense and of course,the titular character who's indestructible will and heart make him easy to love.It still follows a bulk of the Recipe-there's the important message,a couple light slapstick jokes and the clear-cut situation that promises sweets and lollipops at the end of a tough journey.But,on top of all that-there's the devious bizarreness of Dr Seuss' world,great voice-acting (Jim Carrey's unusually restrained here,you can hardly tell it's him behind Horton's warm,balmy sound) and a vast collection of adorable characters-this is what the inside of a child's mind must look like-it's fantastically wild,dangerous (but in a way utterly innocuous),an extraordinary place with grounded notions of community and giving-best thing since Finding Nemo.

Jazz

With a good soul,
you'll never grow old.
...

MGMT-Of Moons,birds & Monsters
She & Him-This is not a Test
Belle & Sebastian-If you're feeling sinister
Cat Power-Metal Heart
Modest Mouse-Heart cooks Brain

Elephant

Drugstore Cowboy (Gus Van Sant,1989)-The thing about people on the streets-meaning prostitutes,addicts,thieves and the like-they all have their troubles which brought them spiraling down to where and who they are-complex personalities,psyches-it's difficult to replicate that.On top of my head,few people who did pull off playing those difficult types-Charlize Theron in Monster,Amy Ryan in Gone Baby Gone,Ewan McGregor in Trainspotting,Evan Rachel Wood in Thirteen.What this movie offers instead,are two good-looking Hollywood stars in the form of Matt Dillon and Kelly Lynch who talk tough and shoot drugs,they wear leather and drive fast cars,rob pharmacies and really want us to think they're keeping it real.The film's occasionally funny,but the rest is a wildly indecisive tale about a bunch of pretty people flee cops and get into more trouble,and all that very predictable shit including life is monologues and the random appearance of an old drug addicted former priest towards the end to deliver the film's cheap philosophies.

Art School Confidential (Terry Zwigoff,2003)-The last 20 minutes is when the film becomes implausible,characters get lost in favor of concluding the movie with a lazy,rushed boy-girl affair and there's enough I-stare-you-stare-we-stare moments to make your head explode.But aside from that,the humor's fresh and sharp although jokes are repeated at times and the many oddball characters on the side (even the smallest ones who barely have lines but make more than one appearance) are extremely fun to watch.

Elephant (Gus Van Sant,2003)-Another GVS movie,miles better than Drugstore Cowboys but also strongly flawed in its own way.The atmosphere-tense,quiet,sinister,when minutes go by with little being said but you can feel the trouble brewing right under the surface-it's not just the music,but how he uses light and motion so damn expertly-kids walking along a hallway,at times darkened over shadows and sometimes things go slo-mo right in the middle of something casual,he captures that intensity and emotion in mere seconds.That said,it has a unsatisfying "ending" which I won't go into-but,the bigger problem is that the story pushes it way too far more times than I can count.When it's not enough to show something and explain it,but also to rub it twice more in your face-the story insists on covering every high school stereotype,and the film sorta glances over the big picture and takes too many rash shortcuts.Take for instance,three girls discuss shopping,drink packets of juice of lunch and have a silly argument over why best friends matter more than boyfriends-fast forward,they enter a toilet,each taking their own cubicle and start puking out food.Another!-the two shooters,first one's playing the piano angrily and the other plays some people-killing computer game,then they're shown glued to the boob tube with some show about Hitler on and later seen showering together and sucking face.Those two big examples, generally speaks to how crass and shallow the story is,it has zero respect for the victims/people who are affected by a high school shooting and is more interested getting you to know a couple kids,before killing them off.And anyone who says that's the point of the story,how brutal and merciless high school killings can be-because if that's the case,any idiot off the street can make a film about it and call it spectacular.

+No Aussie release for Funny Games?Fuck that.

Elation

They say happiness causes blindness,the way "happy" people drown in their own oblivious and desperate pursuit of superficial joy.

I lie.It's so easy to put 'they' in front of some ordinary statement and sound bona fide-when really this so-called and overused 'they' seem nothing but a bunch of fickle-minded monks who sit on mountains meditating all day,once in a while (when struck by the proverbial lighting of God) spit out one-line philosophies that sound deep and wise due to the conveyor's raspy,cracking voice.Oh,shut up you old buttcheek.

Anyways,do you sometimes have the most divine,true but painful revelations when you're most happy?When-in the midst of ecstasy,you begin contemplating the darkest thoughts and end up knowing things about yourself you'd prefer not to.Question mark for an extra 5 cents,did ya want fries with that?It's one of those things you find while lurking in those muddy,gray areas (right between Unambiguous Facts and Unsolvable Mysteries,its Free Entry if you're a lost,self-questioning teenager plus for this you'll be rewarded a fancy yellow sticker that says "Who am I?") one you approach with equal amounts curiosity and fear,one without an answer to but if it did have one-you'd think twice about finding out.

Simply put,truth hurts.We humans find increasingly creative and convoluted ways to cope with the truth-it's so much easier to slip into yourself,believe what you want to and filter out the undesirables.And it comes to a point of your life where you've put so much (subconcious) effort at believing them,that they actually do seem like realities to you,the mirage has finally gained a new armor,now this castle can stand and no desert winds can topple it.But once in a while-say,during the aforementioned moment of ecstasy-you feel a light blow at the side of your face,bring your fingers up to inspect and discover a few grains of sand.

Even the greatest empires-mine,yours,ours-are bound to fall eventually.And once you leap out of that great fantasy,into the strange wilderness-you'll find yourself a spirit,a ghost,a traveler,a man with a past,a man with a future.

Where

Atlas Sound-Scraping Past
Wilco-Hate it Here
Erykah Badu-The Healer
Kooks-Always Where I need to Be
Yael Naim-New Soul
Libertines-Can't stand Me now

Change.

Four

4am.

I am barely here-there's only the comforting quiet,the stagnant air and a heart full of you.

King

I keep trying to find a reason to love Stephen King,but once again my sincere efforts and willful patience turn out futile.

Finished King's The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon-basically,the story of 9 year-old Patricia "Trisha" McFarland who,while jungle trekking with her mum and brother,finds herself lost and struggles to survive days of being alone in the jungle-with only a Walkman for company.Then there's Tom Gordon (former Red Sox pitcher) who Trisha adores-once in a while she'd tune the Walkman radio to hear a game he's in.

I tried to read Carrie about 4 years ago,but found myself bored after few chapters-there's this very forced way where he'll deliberately make the build-up trouble-free,only to have some kind of huge event later as to break the monotony.With Tom Gordon,he's best when describing Trisha "communing" with the forest,building perfect,lavish images consisting of the most intimate sounds and detail-capturing that child's wonder towards something new and unfamiliar,when the forest seems accommodating but hostile at the same time.

Reading the synopsis beforehand,I expected a simple story with a big heart-no smokes and mirrors,just the tale of a girl getting lost in the woods.But no,the kid also has a selfish,whiny brother who constantly argues with his mum-herself an absentminded divorcee,then parts where Trisha finds herself missing them and things like that.All of dreadful cheesiness peaks at the end-where you have this "touching" image of Trisha doing what her hero does when he wins a round (points to the sky).Did I just spoil it for you?The book's nothing special,so take that as a cue to skip it.

But I'm determined to not give up on Stephen King.There's no doubt he's a competent writer-once liberated from toying around with cheap shock value tactics he's good-but those moments are scarce,the rest rigidly fixed in a way meant to satisfy a mainstream crowd.

So,I'll try Different Seasons next (not in the immediate future-it'll take a couple non-King books to fully recover from the white noise Tom Gordon left me in),maybe even the Dark Tower series,and if that doesn't work,I'll try something else.I'll read all his books if I have to-knowing that one day I'll find something great,that book where King finally thinks he's done being a people-pleaser.

Air

If you feel that this is not where you belong,
don't worry-
the world's a large place
and some distant day
you will find home.

Until then,
enjoy being lost
finding pieces of yourself
an unsolvable puzzle
be a kind stranger
to the estranging world.

The half-moon
never frowns.

Innovate

What I'm searching for
to tell it straight, I'm tryin to build a wall
Walking by myself
down avenues that reek of time to kill
If you see me keep going
be a pass by waver
Build me up, bring me down
just leave me out you name dropper
Stop tryin to catch my eye
I see you good you forced faker
Just make it easy
You're my enemy you fast talker

I can say I hope it will be worth what I give up
If I could stand up mean for all the things that I believe

What am I here for
I left my home to disappear is all
I'm here for myself
Not to know you
I don't need no one else
Fit in so good the hope is that you cannot see me later
You don't know me
I am an introvert an excavator
I'm duckin' out for now
a face in dodgy elevators
Creep up and suddenly
I found myself
an innovator

Change, change, change,
I want to get up out of my skin
tell you what
if I can shake it
I'm 'a make this
something worth dreaming of
...

Santogold-L.E.S Artistes

Amazing song.

Have faith my friend,you don't see how truly strong you are.Fearing to do something-but somehow doing it anyway,that's a sign of courage-that even while doubting yourself,anxious at the whole thing fucking up you walk on anyways,striving past a dozen laughing faces and unkind thoughts,but making it through in one piece.There's a voice inside you that keeps reminding you of the kind of person you were as a child-bold,careless,free-that inside,you're still that person,past all these painstaking fixes you've had to make to fit in.Even broken,sometimes morose-you still achieve new things,face your fears with a shameless face,you start to realize that being free is a state of mind,not where you are,what you have or who you're with.You're a new person everyday,growing bit by bit and becoming stronger every time you make it through another storm.

It's easy to be normal.Just laze around,pointing fingers at people and laughing at them for being different.Have a steady routine of lunches with friends,have yourself attend parties and keep those facebook friend numbers up.It's too easy to have to agree to every opinion,to enslave yourself to a bunch of people who only want you to say and do certain things-this way,you'll have the whole world love you as that adorable,well-packaged concept of a person.He's nice,I like him.The alternative route,however,is nowhere near easy.Life's what you make it-if you want something badly enough,you'll somehow learn to take the punches that come your way-first few times you'll be beaten down badly,but if that desire is able to persevere,you'll only grow stronger in the long run.

The road to redemption started a long time ago,without you even realizing it.

Here

Don't you take your time young man
Keep on driftin and
Ain't no tellin where you'll land

Where you runnin to?
And who you runnin from?

Sweet love and sunshine
If it's all in the air
Then it's all on your mind
Breathe baby
Come back to the world

Erykah Badu-Time's A Wastin

Have you ever,had a friend physically by your side,but feel much lonelier than if you were alone?I wish you were here,and we could talk.And I'd actually want to say something,and hear what you were saying-and we could have us a conversation.It's got to a point where I can't be fucked to pretend or be affable or whatever-I'm tempted to just walk off rudely,cursing away-but every time my thoughts threaten to wander off,I pull myself back and think "Be here-here is where you need to be!".What's so great about here?And in so many ways,learning to wake up from the dream you're supposed to have,and just float away-might be the best thing in the world.

Run

First day of second year,I expected rude classmates,sadistic tutors who only speak the Language of Academia,similarly dull and monotonous-voiced lecturers whose idea of a joke involves some dumb pun about statistics.Was I really that pessimistic-already hopelessly bittered at the tender age of 19?To tell you the truth,not really.

Approaching the day more curious than anything else,I thought to myself-here's my playground,where no one knows me.I could play devious characters,use fake accents and divulge during first-tute ice-breaking sessions blasphemous little stories about having gone Purple for the freedom of my homeland Soup Kitchen.I could be totally uncaring and float through the day with the kind of home-bound nonchalance a stray cat might have-and I'd still be invincible.Which is kind of sad,when you think about it.

Anyways,the day was just fine-no real highs or lows,except maybe my Lonesome Lunchbreak,lasting a good 30 minutes during which I spent listening to Erykah Badu's Mama's Gun album (one of the best mood/atmosphere albums around)-face facing the cloudless sky,limbs sprawled across the grass in the twisted manner of an unfound corpse-extremely hungry,emotionally numb and suffering a mild airyfairy-ness as a result from the lack of sleep and scorching summer heat.But somehow,at peace.

Songs for the week.

Guillemots-Get Over it
Gnarles Barkley-Run
Goldfrapp-Little Bird
Cat Power-Speak for Me
Atlas Sound-River Card

Link to Wilco's recent live perf on SNL.

Gwen

Photo Credit: Mert Alas & Marcus Piggott for V Mag (via Popbytes).

Cover for the upcoming issue-I like the use of colors and how it's designed as a whole.Eye-catching,looks sexy but ellegant.The other pics are similarly exaggerated-with very harsh lighting and bold,florescent tones-producing that effect which I find bizarre & unique.