Stranger In The Mirror

How long can any man fight the darkness,before he finds it in himself?

Having lunch with mum at Aseana KLCC,i tried every tactic i could muster to avoid the subject of college,my future and and somehow steered myself into her eventful past.My mother,a masterful storyteller and natural socialite has always managed to keep people entertained with the stories of her own life.These stories,equivillent to the ones we have/will come to collect as our lives continue,provide insight to the personas we really hold behind misleading exteriors.

1.When she first came to KL,she took a job doing surveys in Bukit Bintang.Along with some others,she was given the task to print copies of two-page surveys then go from house to house for people to fill them in-instead of doing so,they all found a semi-secluded park where they filled the surveys themselves under a big oak tree.

2.When she first joined Nestle,being the only female executive the big boys bullied her into writing minutes for every meeting-one day,out of frustration and annoyance,she decided to bring one of those funny-looking long pencils with a revolting pink teddy bear stuck at the end and halfway through the meeting the company CEO stood up angrily,took the pencil,broke it in half and provided his own Mont Blanc.

3.In TKC,as in every other school-there was the stuck-up royal-bred bitch who brought imported chocolates and only spoke bahsa omputeh (sometimes Mum would trail off in Kelantanese dialect),she'd only stick to her wealthy friends and regarded others as dirt.Mum,along with three of her madly-hilarious friends (whom she still meets regularly) sew her mosquito net to the mattress while she was sleeping-as a result they were called to be punished,laughing hysterically all the way to the principle's office.

So now if any jerk asks me how i got to be so arrogant,highly-opinionated,audacious and vain i'll just proudly say its the genes my mother gave me,and that sorry asshole would just have to live being a worthless wallflower,another unoticable part of the world's vast background as an empty,ornamental individual with only meaningless criticism to offer.

Only managed to meet Ali,Chong and Yameen so far,going to Bali tomorrow and as much as i hate the burning heat of KL,i'd choose this over Melbourne's coldness of weather and heart anytime.Since coming back,some very awful things have happened,some of them i'm not able to talk about here-

1.I trusted a close relative with my dangerous insecurities which should've been kept secret,all she did was tell my dad and as a consequence family drama has taken control over the household.Never trust someone completely if you're unsure-be wary of who you choose to confide in,cos' being connected by blood may deceive you into giving total trust.

Back to Spidey,how long can a saviour survive until he becomes evil-which makes me wonder,what makes one to realise what he can do with all he's been given?Freedom,trust,love-the basis of all good things,but they can be manipulated for wrong intentions,so i've come to realise the weapons we use to combat evil are merely double-edged swords that can hurt us too.

So,are the real enemies we fear the most-the ones locked inside ourselves?

Home Bittersweet Home

The entire family surrenders to chaos as their beloved father starts to die on the living room couch-they anxiously wait for the help to come,which is when the maid (Adibah Noor),restless,infruriated and prepared to kill anyone for an ambulance,calls up the hospital again.

Maid: Hoi,mana ambulance!Saya dah call berapa kali,ada orang nak mati sini!
Hospital: It's on the way,miss-tolong bersabar.
Maid:Awak tahu tak,kalau saya nak beranak tunggu ambulance, anak saya dah masuk darjah satu tau!

It was at this point i laughed uncontrollably (unintenionally snorting in the process),and considering that all the isle lights on the plane had been turned off and almost everyone had dozed off to slumber-it was perfectly understandable when the person across my left gave me this incredibly stern,stabbing look you'd give to a flasher,murderer or someone who had just told you you're entire world was based on an illusion you had created to cope with guilt*.In response to her cruel,angst-filled non-verbals,i laughed even more and proceeded to mock her stupid face.
*Links for LOST fans-is Dave part of Hurley's imagination,along with the island,and if so,how can it possibly be?

For months i was excited to see Yasmin Ahmad's Gubra,i even asked Ivana to send me a pirated version to Melbourne (which she didn't,humph say no to piracy campaign in your home lah pulak),but after i watched it i felt cheated,disappointed but most of all-i felt the movie had been given way too much hype,Yasmin Ahmad isn't all that and the movie was ultimately below-average and i had absolutely no idea why Singapore Times and a couple of local newspapers had raved so much about this badly-scripted,haphazardly-paced and hollow story(but chuck-full of kononya heartwrenching scenes,which to me looked like rejected extensions from one of Yasmin's Petronas hari raya ads). Perhaps i feel this way because Sepet was quite a gem and i felt Gubra would be comparable,if not better.Well,let's hope the next one scores.

Anyways,i'll postpone the movie review for later,now that i've come to contact with home soil many curious,exciting discoveries have caught me completely off-guard.
1.My,my,someone's been having some fun while i wasn't here!One of the three mischievous cats at home,Muffin,is pregnant!I can't wait for all the mini-muffins to come out!
2.Klang Valley,is unfortunately still Klang Valley in all its glory-hitz.fm still plays lame pop-ass music (first song i heard on local radio-Paris Bloody Hilton!Almost vommited on the dashboard),the rempits still reign supreme and as today's edition of star continues to talk about rudenss among Malaysians,i say we need more than a pathetic Budi Bahasa Budaya Kita campaign to create a long-lasting impact.
3.Inflation catches up pretty fast-the familiar cup of ice milo i had for breakfast at Raju had remained the same in price,but miserably shrunk to half the serving size.
4.As Proton was for the car industry,the mobile industry welcomes the birth of M-Mobile-Malaysia's attempt in creating phones,and Mawi's there too.

More fascinating news from around the world.Click on the links,they're so tempting.
1.Loneliness is a disease,and it's spreading at break-neck speed.
2.Fashionable and unconventionally-dressed girls,don't know what to do to entertain yourself while stuck in the bathroom?No,its not another convenient vibrator that comes with tons of weird orgasmic functions.
3.One of those old articles people will continue to read-by Dave Barry.
4.EW as listed the websites you should bookmark-with some really weird recommendations,like this one.

I'm officially obsessed with listing things.Some songs which have dominated my auto-replay playlist for quiet sometime.
Spoon-The Way We Get By
Tori Amos-Smells Like Teen Spirit (Nirvana Cover)
Jem-Maybe I'm Amazed (Paul Mcartney Cover)
Ryan Adams-When the Stars Go Blue (Tim McGraw)
The White Stripes-Jolene (Dolly Parton Cover)
The YeahYeahYeah's-Y Control
The Rolling Stones-Drift Away

Returning to my seemingly mundane and uneventful life,i'm glad to be back and can't wait to see everyone to show off my fake-australian accent and non-existent forgetfulness of the bahasa melayu vocabulary.Apa kamu berkata?HAHAHA,don't worry people,i'm still me (a little handsomer and smarter i like to believe;) so as for today let's all take a chill pill and TRY our best to be nice to all those suckers with their kemek distorted faces behind runcit counters who try to shortchange us,the poyo teen hip-hoppers with their sungei wang bling blings in shopping malls who flaunt their bad attitude maladroitly thinking its something which compliments their faux personality,and ourselves,who although cursed with imperfection try to fix our flaws and even trying deserves some praise.

So give yourself a pat on the back,or better yet go to friggin' Sogo and get yourself a large medal for being so good.

Narcissism ain't a sin (i'm sure this is more or less Paris Hilton's life motto),like a heavily-sugared donut,its simply sweet indulgence which if taken occasionally wouldn't feed the ego,but bring a much needed boost to our self-esteem and confidence.Too much would make us diabetically-overstuffed with pride.

Umm.DONUTS.Forget Roti Canai & Teh Tarik,I'm heading to Dunkin right this instant.

Bag's the It Word

Today i spent a freaking $300ausd (holy bananas!) in Guess for Mum's upcoming birthday-at first dilemma struck (i could buy heaps of other things with that money!) but then the ghost of friggin' Mother Theresa descended from Heaven and started rambling noisily about the excruciating pain of childbirth and the endless amount of torture my mother has had to put up with since having me-and considering the fact that having me as a son can be a real onerous pain,a small 300$ gift is far from being the reward my mother truly deserves.

At the end of the day,no amount of money can come close to the joy of having these two people in my life-i wonder,what's in there?

She's a little camera-shy...

(drumroll..) Ta-da! This bag oughta cheer my mum up a little-with having to juggle an increasingly demanding career,an almost dysfunctional family and other sorts of heavy personal matters she hasn't had the time to consider buying a new bag for herself.

This is me loosing my marbles after realising the final remainder of the months' allowance had vanished into thin air! But after a much-needed serving of Chili Padi's delicious seafood laksa i had time to re-evaluate life and along came Mother Theresa storming towards me again-but this time she swiftly flew past me with a wicked smile, past the many shop outlets and at the same time collecting the hefty commissions they all owed her.

You,Me & Everyone Else

An enstranged housewife argues loudly on the phone with her diplomat-husband,and in a fit of rage she slips and falls down a flight of stairs-seconds before the scornful conversation with her husband had ended,and now she lays helplessly at the bottom of the stairwell,twisted in a difficult position as if suddenly possessed by the mad spirit of a yogamaster.She calls her closest friend whom she's known for more than 10 years,unfortunately she is preoccupied in a massage and other people whom she calls for help predictably give excuses-in the end,it is her daytime maid whom she scolds and shouts at everyday who comes to her rescue:and in a perfect standstill moment,she hugs the maid tightly and utters "Want to hear something funny?You're the only friend i have ever had",and both of them continue to embrace in silence with their eyes slowly filling with tears.

I'm sure all those in the english-speaking world have either watched/heard of the movie Crash,which won this years' Best Film Award at the Oscars,triumphing over legendary directors-spielberg,lee,clooney to mention a few.Scratch the surface of the strory and you'll find that the movie deals with serious racism issues-but delve deeper and you'll see that there are other enthralling stories too,about loneliness,sacrifice and uncertainty to name a few.I shamelessly admit i cried so much,the amount of tears were probably enough to save an entire Africa from draught-its because i understand how painful it feels to be lonely and have noone by your side when company is needed the most,i can relate to the characters who become angry,mean and hurt others out of their own inability to face their hidden suffering and agitation.

It is only when we face actual adversity that the friends we thought we always had seem to cease to a small few,where were the ones gave their word that they'd be there?Friends Forever?When it came for enjoyment and laughter so many of them were there,but when calamity struck so few were left i began to question if the other things i believed to be true were lies too.But that's just how life goes,you have to invest in the unknown-put your faith in uncertainty and cross your fingers.Does God exist?-Is my wife loyal to me?-Can i trust this man?The questions keep coming as we age,irregardless if any of the ones before have been answered-and our role as humans is not to scrutinize every risk, step, and enigma but to simply believe-just as i believe in the small number of friends i have,that they will continue to be there in times of anguish and beguilement,until the very day i die.

The Penis Monologues

Have you watched 'The Vagina Monologues' (i once rented it from the City Library)?-the original performance,documented by HBO and published as an exclusive dvd,solely focuses on a woman's rantings about various subjects related to the vagina and the female experience in sex.Eve Ensler traveled across the US and interviewed women about their opinions and thoughts about the clitoris,pubic hair,moans and adolescence and begin the process of disattaching ourselves from our parents,we begin to take the independant journey of discovering who we really are and in the process face crisis/conflict in trying to gain social acceptance vs. being ourselves.Everyone reaches a point where we possess several identities at once-the true me,the 'cool' me,the 'quiet and oppressed' me and the 'chameleon' me who is able to adapt and change to any social setting but after a while this state of confusion is resolved by the gradual reshaping of self-definition that unifies various selves into a consistent and comfortable sense of who i am-an identity.And according to my psychology notes (can't believe i'm actually using them as guidelines to life),i am only able to manage a solid,working emotional attachment/relationship with someone else once i have completely understood and accepted my true identity-until i learn to accept,appreciate and love myself,it is possible that i will continue to be faced with failing relationships.

So that's the problem (sigh).

I wish sex was the answer to everything-then i could intercourse,oral or orgy my way through life and i would be able to avoid all these petty troubles simply by being a sex-craving maniac/whore.But God gave me other organs and abilities other than a penis,so for now i'll use my brains (or what's left of it) and psychology notes to try and solve my personal demons as well as the world's gargantual troubles,for being a prostitute simply means exposing myself to std's and sexually-deprived perverts so for now i'll leave that as 'plan Z' as an emergency route in case all else fails.

Dreams and Reality

We learned about hypnosis in psychology today,and towards the end a girl seated in the third row calmly asked "Can people be hynotised into dieting or eating more vegetables?"-once everyone heard,instead of looking upfront to note the lecturer's response to this people started looking at this girl,taking down mental pictures of her waistline,stomach size and general state of being obese.Giggles were heard from behind the hall,i sympathised with this girl who seemed to be utterly oblivious of the laughter and shrude comments circulating,but after a while i came to admire this girl for her bravery-and award her a medal of somekind,but asking for her signature on the way out would've been totally out of line.

Determined to look as if i've lost a least a little weight since leaving home,i've resorted to extreme methods-today morning i vowed to live on vegetables per se until i reach Malaysia,unfortunately these pie-crust promises i make to myself never fail to last more than a single day and as a result the cravings for meat-based products and junk food take the toll late at night when my body can't take the torture anymore and i end up going down to 7-eleven armed only with my trustworthy ATM.Speaking of visits to 7-eleven,i must've gone there at least 40 times a day without even realising because a few minutes ago i went down to grab a bag of cheese nachos and a bottle of coke,when i finally got up to pay the cashier said "Hello brother,nice to see you again".The horror!Being regarded as a regular customer by 7-eleven employees is a disgrace!-they must think i'm some kind of lazy ass who practically lives on crackers,chocolate and gassy drinks.Well i am duh,i'm a normal teenager and junk food occupies around 50% of what i eat-but this is too much.Shit,i need another coke.This time i'll buy 50 bottles to stock up for the next month or so,and i'll wear sunglasses and talk in a french accent when i go in as to become totally unrecognizable.

I sit here totally confused-my eyes dart from the monitor to the psychology notes and math practice sheets i've scattered all over the table and for a minute i contemplate studying,but this hardworking spirit quickly dies before i can even reach for a highlighter.Why do we thrive on earning degrees and academic qualifications?-right now i have to oblige because the minute i mention the words ''filmaker'' or ''pusuing dreams'' and ''life is short'',i open pandora box and book myself to hours of gruelling lectures about the so-called reality by my parents.

Me: Pa,i think i should have the right to pursue my own dreams instea of having to fit in to your definition of ''successful'' by taking a degree i absolutely don't want or need.

Pa: I worked day and night to finance your education,and if you're thinking of wasting all my efforts on a bloody useless degree i'd rather save all that money and put you in a local university instead.

Me: But.... (rethinks about arguing and realises this is utterly pointless)...I need to go now.

Pa: No you sit down and listen.

The one with the money has all the power-so i'll have to live with this for now.But wait till i grow up,and use my talents to make the greatest films you'll ever see.I have all these ideas about films,lines,scripts,characters and plot-lines but for now the only thing i can do is write them in my diary with hope they'll be realised someday.If i do end up becoming a rich tycoon with no soul-slap me in the face and tell me what a disappointment i've become,and we'll talk about the journeys we were meant to take but never did and all the dreams we lost (over cups of slurpee's).

Showdown at The House of Blue Leaves

"While the American cut of the movie shows the violent battle at the House
of Blue Leaves in black and white, the Japanese cut shows it in color. The "Color Cut" of this
film segment is highly sought after by fans, but has not been officially distributed outside Japan. Parts of the color version are available in the original trailer for the film, back when it was going to be a single movie, along with the deleted scene featuring Michael Jai White "Wikipedia

The background music in this one is bloody awful (thankfully it isn't the real music from the film),nonetheless this particular scene remains one of most talked about from Quentin Tarantino's timeless Kill Bill Vol.1,tried to get the Elle-vs.-Beatrix scene from the second movie,but couldn't find it anywhere.This one i got from youtube contains a whole lot more footage than the original scene (even the original dvd i have only shows 50% of what is seen here)-and you ask why i think Quentin Tarantino is a God?I'll show you why.Enjoy.

A Change Would Do You Good

As people of the world celebrate the Queen's birthday tomorrow and the bewitching allure of Scarlett Johansen's breasts,i voice three cheers for England's win and the arrival of another cinematic bloodfest for all twisted-horror fans to feast on.

My old website,http://www.xanga.com/insaneal will rott miserably in blogdumpuniverse-i decided to change because not only does blogger provide heaps of incomparable benefits,they don't annoyingly send daily emails persuading me to 'change to premium' (categorizing it as spam doesn't work) and both the fabulous Afdlin Shauki and Yasmin Ahmad are users.So yes ladies and gentlemen,let's all sing joyfully to Sheryl Crow's 1997 single-A Change (to blogger) WOULD do you good.

The Fifa and Soceroos website provide schedules,team info,latest results and are bookmark worthy-keep your nescafe 3-in-1 sachets ready for the upcoming Aus-vs-Jap & France-vs-Switz matches,i'm learning from experience and booking the television an hour early (yesterday some dumb-ass people hogged it and watched some bloody dumb-ass dvd and as a result i had to watch the first goal on replay).Remy keeps reminding me to wish a certain someone-whom-i-vowed-never-to-love/like/contact-ever-again "happy birthday" despite my warnings of skinning him alive with a breadknife if he continues to,so anyone out there up for an assasination job for $5 dollars please email me before i end up homicidal:and anyone about to lecture me about how ex's should become friends,do rethink before i sew your mouth shut.

While people of the world blabber on about how Paris' new music video looks like soft-core porn (a preview for one night in paris 2 perhaps?),vengeance becomes increasingly rampant and money once again becomes a barrier-I wonder if all these unfortunate events are simply God's reminders to pray and be good,or punishments for humankind's collective sins and the damage we've caused towards earth,animals and worst-the scars we've inflicted on our very own people.