The Prestige

Celebrated my unofficial end of exams by watching The Prestige,a new film by Christopher Nolan about two magicians caught in a battle of rivalry that eventually consumes more than it should have,starring Hugh Jackman and Christian Bale.Let's state the facts first-this is a really long film (slightly more than 2 hours),and that as far as film with twists go,this one beats every other film in the category as the unpredictable twists and turns are not brought in simply to save a declining storyline but the director/writers have crafted this magnificent film in a way that the twists become part of the plot and while they help carry the storyline forward,they do not become the focal point of the story-for movies that are heavily dependant on twists for substance,think M. Night Shyamalan flicks.

Despite getting a low rating of 73% from RT,i strongly encourage people to watch this film.If you're intending to watch some other film this weekend,skip that and watch this instead.For one,the movie builds its suspense cleverly,at the perfect pace and no unnecessary subplots to ruin our concentration,towards the end we get answers that satisfy our curiosity-the script does get annoyingly Shakespearean at times but i guess it had to be written that way to coincide with the time setting of the film,and the film does come close to the verge of being unbelievable hence i understand how some viewers might find some parts overly imaginative and too unrealistic.

The two main characters,performed brilliantly by Jackman and Bale (famous names in the supporting cast like Andy Serkis and David Bowie become way too overshadowed and forgettable),make the rivalry between them the sole purpose of their lives-the desire to win develops into a dangerous obsession for both men,both who seem to have possessed an advantage at one point or another in the story but who will finally triumph and how becomes the ultimate question.This film does not carry any prevalent moral messages nor does it intend to become overly complicated-essentially the film boils down to tell a simple story about two incredibly intelligent men and how they manipulate things for personal benefit,and in the process of trying to win people and relationships are sacrificed,and finally when the winner emerges we realise too much damage has been done for anyone to be concerned about the competition-but not for these two who carry their rivalry right to the end,only stopping when one has been declared winner and the other loser.

Walking out the cinema after a film,i slowly noticed that there were many hints that pointed towards the eventual climax and that a lot of foreshadowing went unnoticed.Highlight the following to see what i mean,only if you've watched the film:the two sibling birds one being killed,the concept of the 'prestige' itself (that a magic trick can only impress if one that disappears returns),Sara's mention of how her husband's feelings seem to vary day to day,Alfred's passingof the ball in jail-reflecting the same being done with 'himself' in the transporting trick.

The Prestige is one of the best films i've seen this year.and is a definite must-watch.

Update: OMFG,someone finally compiles the 50 LOST loose-ends.Black rock?Desmond's future-seeng skills?Jack's dead dad's body?This will keep my LOST addiction satisfied till the show continues again in Feb.

Children

On one episode of 3rd Rock From The Sun (Season 1),Sally approaches a maternity ward full of newborns,saying:I wish i could have started at scratch like you guys-knowing but not knowing,seeing but altogether forgetting.Enjoy it,time here moves really fast.

My childhood,like most others,was characterized by an almost pure innocence and unknowing-simply letting things be and allowing myself to become,enjoying every minute doing silly things without the burden of self-restrain or conscience to contemplate.Every child i encounter bears a vague reminder of my childhood-those infants who never stop smiling,the young children who run around the playground without a single trace of worry in their minds,and for a minute i envy their joy from having no responsibility but then i'm reminded the benefits of being a teenager-the freedom to choose and enjoy life with full awareness of my environment,and yet i wish i could return to those childhood times-when all we did was have fun,and having fun seemed to be the only existing objective of life.And compared to now,the experience of being a teenager means having to face rejection,loneliness,embarassment,disappointment and all other sorts of confict-we're so much more self-concious and controlling of our choices,but i guess this is how the journey goes and when adulthood comes things will change and so will our priorities and mindsets.

But as time passes and we grow older into different stages of life,we can always belief that no matter how hard and unhappy life gets,there is always our childhood to look back at at smile upon-these memories are forever and nothing or noone can take them away.

Kissing The Lipless

When both their characters meet for the first time at a hospital,Sam (Natalie Portman) passes Andrew (Zach Braff) her headphones and says ''you gotta hear this one song-it'll change your life'',referring to the song playing-The Shins' ''New Slang''.

The Shins are so good i sometimes feel like crying when i listen to their songs-nah their songs aren't the kind of sickly emo,overrated cliche love songs bombarded with violins,they're really just like any other average alternative rock songs-just a million times better.Some of the tracks i highly,highly recommend.

Kissing The Lipless,Saint Simon,Girl Inform Me,Fighting In A Sack,We Will Become Silhouettes,Caring is Creepy,Pink Bullets,When I Goosestep

Someone from my old batch made up a cruel rumour,but over the past few months i've managed to become a stronger person and such lies don't affect me.The thing is it was a friend,not a really close one,but i had very few friends in my batch-the rest were too busy having fun throwing judgements at me and making me feel like shit all the time,so when i found out it was this particular girl who was busy sending out the rumour it hurt quite a bit for just a short while,then i decided its best to be mature and accepting about it-as life goes on everyone's bound to encouter such people,hypocrites who seem such perfect friends,but turn out different later on.And though we weren't really close,we shared few memorable moments and there were times i confided in you and shared things,but i guess now we know where both of us stand we can finally move on with our lives.

That's it-i'm giving this thought 5 solid minutes to let it affect me,then i'm putting you out of my life permanently.

Life goes on.

Almost Over

This depressing picture i chose to post should give you a clear indication of my current mood.But it's not that bad.My laptop crashed for real,refusing to cooperate i my foolish attempts to revive it-i've never had a laptop crash before (when a window popped up saying 'Microsoft Crash Analysis,was then i only knew it was a crash),but i've had friends who have so only now do i understand what a pain in the ass it is to have such terrible malfunction at hand.But at least my Ipod is still alive-with the joy of music a true life crisis is averted.

Will be going back in two weeks or so,i might just be extraordinarily hardworking and dump the holiday habit of sitting at home in passivity just watching tv and getting fat-maybe i'll get a part-time job (preferably Borders,Starbucks or anywhere else involving coffee or books),do some minor charity work,learn a new language (although i highly doubt i'll be taking this up) and do someother less important things like getting my cat Chichi obese and healthy again,learning some fast and practical cooking recipes and getting that elusive driving license i so deserve.

But before my college year concludes i hope Melbourne still has some excitement to offer for 2006-Maybe a last stroll near the St Kilda beach,a last meal at some of our fave restaurants,and a few last snaps of the camera before all of us truly embrace young adulthood.All the memories i've collected throughout the year play back as short glimpses in my mind-and suddenly life doesn't look that bad,and the broken laptop seems such a trivial matter.

The adventure seems to have almost ended-but a tiny voice in my head whispers wistfully,''It hasn't even begun yet''.

Uck

This vid is the funniest thing i've encountered today.

Esp the guy's face at the end.Uck.

Decided to change the blog layout and so on-the previous one made it look like i wrote way too much even when it wasn't the case,and this one gives more attention to the words somehow.I thought the rain pic would come out as a cute,small,barely noticable pic but it turned out huge and didn't look too ugly so i'll leave it that way.

Fairly uninteresting day,and like all other dull,lazy days time seems to move much slower and all things sound and look monotonous,the passing cars,the distant sound of an endless beeping somewhere,and even the tapping noises my fingers make as they type-blagh,its Sat nite but because of the exams noone seems to want to go out,so i'll stay in and listen to some music instead.

My Chemical Romance-Welcome To The Black Parade
Augustana-Boston

Cooked fried rice for din today-the last time i cooked fried rice it turned out tasteless despite having inserted mushrooms,tofu,fishballs,tuna and eggs-so now i added even more unecessary ingredients and put soy sauce,chili paste and even garlic-but it turned out even more tasteless.Either that or my taste buds are dying.

Despite the lack of activity today,some very interesting things happened-a suspicous conversation with a silent occupant,the discovery of a secret affair almost noone else in my apartment building knows of,a scent of obsession or even envy lingering in the white corridors leading towards the 3rd floor,and finally my shock when i saw the fugly 2-dollar christmas lights the landlord had put up across the entrance this morning.This is what happens when nothing happens,i start looking into things and start becoming delusional and start overanalyzing the littlest things that probably don't mean shit.

Boredome just got a bit less inedible.

Fiona Apple

Lighted Tunnels

Cos' Fiona Apple's just fucking legendary.

Feels so dizzy.Oh yeah.Finally got about to watching the final episode of Six Feet Under,the one where Claire finally leaves for New York,leaving behind Ruth,her brother David and the rest of them.I was once the hugest Six Feet Under fan-i bought both dvd sets of the first 3 seasons,but the beginning of season 3 marked the fast downfall of the show-the first two seasons were so honest and heartful,after that it seemed the writers were replaced and everything went haywire.So after halfway watching through season 3 i decided the show wasn't worth watching anymore,left the dvds to gather dust in some obscure corner of my room-and i only heard about the show again last month when i read somewhere that Nip/Tuck had recently done an episode where all the characters were 20 years older,and it was mentioned that no show should do such episode unless it could compare to Six Feet Under's final episode-so i downloaded the 3 final episodes of the final season (season 5),and watched them all today.The first two episodes were hard to watch,not only were they incredibly boring and filled with enormous cliche's but the only character i was truly concerned with was Claire-but then it was the final hourlong episode.

Claire leaves for New York,the last 8 minutes we are brought to the future where everyone grows old and starts dying-beginning with Ruth,then Keith,then David,then Rico,Brenda and finally Claire.In between it is shown several significant future events-Keith & David get married,then so does Claire & Ted.All of this future images play out while we see Claire driving towards New York,going from highways to long desert roads,and finally just into the light.The point is that our lives are really much shorter than we think and time will pass by like lighting,and all of us will lose our loved ones someday and finally meet our own death-and really when we arrive at old age with all our family and friends gone we wonder the extent to which our lives were fully lived and can do nothing but wonder,regret and reminisce-all of this is played out while Claire is still young and driving,she does not know it yet but her future will play out like a fast record and life will simply pass by her eyes quickly,but she does not know it yet-the same way we don't know how our lives will turn out,and can only feel nothing but excitement for all the things we aspire to become and the dreams we wish to fulfill.But all of this,will unravel itself to show that it all means absolutely nothing-that once your loved ones are gone nothing else matters and that's when death becomes a waiting line for your turn,just breathing in and out until we finally drop dead.

So it made me think a lot about things-how i want the next few years to play out,and ultimately i wondered wether life will change or simply remain the way i percieve it is-life's such a massive,wonderful thing but if i let it slip out of my hands and into another's control its just reduced to being nothing else but a painful,miserable experience full of suffering.So how the next few years and decades will turn out is only God's knowledge,my only concern would be using every moment in time i have to make sure my death,when it finally comes,would be the end to a well-lived life.

Turning 81

Feeling slightly groggy now so its best that i stay away from the keyboard-but,the same way people can be absolute hypocrites on msn by using phony smiley faces and moving emoticons that no way reflect their true feelings,i am confident i'm perfectly capable of writing this one post without exposing to the world the trainwreck of emotions truly going on inside.

My unreliable laptop has finally given in to some crazy virus that makes the entire system shut down every five mins or so-and when it does,a blue screen appears to tell me a list of unhelpful instructions full of number codes and all that shit.Turning 18 was memorable in both a good and painful way,but,keeping to my promise,i shall elaborate more on the sunny side and leave very little space for shadows to dwell.Remy,Jan & Sue-Mae-that tiny thing you guys did yesterday meant the world to me,and i'm honestly thankful for every part of it-my facial expressions are permanently cursed when it comes to showing gratitude,so despite looking slightly stoned and zombie-like yesterday,trust me inside i felt like hugging you guys to death and flowering you people with french roses.The cake,the songs,the yellow balloon-these tiny little gestures you guys do for me remind me that i still have true friends in this otherwise cruel and heartless world-Jules and Ali,believe me when i say i will never ever forget last year's small celebration-and espite not having you guys here this year i know you're closer than that-you guys are the best friends i could ever find and i'm happy that i have friends who i can talk to without feeling any insecurity or discomfort,and when life pulls me down and ceases to be meaningful or worth the trouble,you guys remind me i have people who make life worth all that.

Aww,Al goes all soft inside and says sweet things.Suck it up people,cos' i don't usually do this-i'm more comfortable being the impersonal,cynical and hypocritical bastard-all that anger serves as a protecting shield from the world's sorrow,without it i'd be sucked in the black hole of sorrow in which people usually never escape from once they're inside.Oh.Interesting thing-met a 31 year old guy from Portugal today named Paulo (or was it Paul?He said his name when Bart was making some stupid joke which i was half-listening to,so it might not have been Paul or Paulo at all),half an hour with him gave me all kinds of interesting stories-about his previous years studying in London,how the many death metal clubs there make do for the depressing weather,and how he finds that people here walk and breath much slower compared to those prozac-dependant megalomaniacs he used to live with in London.But it was hard to keep the conversation interesting and there were quite few long pauses mainly cos' our interests differed so greatly-i have no idea wether its age,race or some other factor that caused this sharp contrast of interest-he liked death metal,talked about adult relationship problems with his ex-girlfriend and gave insightful comments about politics (to which,when he wasn't watching i quickly peeked to watch a bit of Simpsons) while my main concern at that time were the songs in my Ipod,the balance in my savings account and other types of trivial matters that were too embaressing to mention.So that's my long,windy description of today's dull encounter with a 31-year old Portugese manboy.

Math was like getting hit by an 18-wheeler truck,and like most people who've just experienced such life-altering accidents i prefer to have imaginary amnesia to try cope with it.

Psst,new Spiderman 3 posters,the new Harry Potter OODP trailer (omfg Helena Bonham Carter appears precisely at 00.39.Heart stops),Nelly Furtado at the AMA's and an old Fiona Apple song.

Australian TV is suffering from the year's biggest low-with all the big shows having come to a season finale sometime ago (Grey's Anatomy,Veronica Mars,Desp Housewives) old shows crop up to fill the void-Mcleod's Daughters,Neighbours,Jericho,Jamie Oliver specials.Has anyone even watched Jericho?-about 10 minutes after the opening titles i have some vague understanding of the storyline (urm.Apocylpse coming soon.)-one minute its all Mel Gibson and massively dramatic when characters discuss about saving people by the millions and so on,then it quickly shifts to a random couple who are fighting about their children's choice of cereal or a group of men who find time to shoot turkeys for the upcoming Thanksgiving despite knowing the end of the world is barely few days away.You'd think a tv series about the apoclypse would gain more attention-but now i know why Jericho is one of the worst tv shows to ever exist,i can't wait to download (good tv series never arrive in M'sia,and arrive inexcusably really late in Aus) episodes of the new FX (the studio that brought us Nip/Tuck) series Dirt (preview pics here)which premiers in the US early January,revolving around the life of tabloid editor Lucy Spiller (played by Courtney Cox/Monica)-you can find previews on Youtube.

The same way some bands manage to come off as distinct,different and unique-say,Coldplay with their melancholy sound made obvious with Chris Martin's vocals,Death Cab for Cutie with their one-of-a-kind emopoprock sound,Jack Johnson and the way all his songs are wonderful even when he's singing about monkeys or so on,The Radio Dept falls into the Electronic Rock category and stand out with their clever use of small techno beats and guitar melodies-'I don't like it like this','Pulling our weight' and 'Where Damage isn't already done' are examples of the Radio Dept sound,their music unravels you in such a way no other music can-i don't even know what their songs are about,but the sound of it just strikes a note.

With the exams going on and only two weeks left till i go home,i won't have much time to think about the many miserable thoughts that would usually bother my mind in times of no distraction or task at hand.But as my concious mind drift of to deal with more important matters,my subconcious slips into the darker areas and brings again those sorrowful thoughts into my dreams-so i have really horrible dreams,those which i can barely recall when i wake up but they leave the omnescient,lingering sense of dread and coldness-so sometimes i wake up feeling really down but without knowing why.So 23rd of November finally comes to an end,and i'm finally 18-i wish i had a machine like the one in 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind' to remove the troubling memories of the past that still bug me today,but i guess without confronting these thoughts and finding ways to live with them i'll never learn how to become immune to such pain so i guess right now those precious moments i spent with colse friends (either with them,or on the phone) function as the medicinal cures that make me temporarily forget about the past years-but its been 18 years and i've got years of growing and learning to do still and the adventure of sorts will take me to certain places and bring me to certain people who will cast changes in my life and sooner or later these tiny bits of careful salvation will soon manage to completely remove the hurt.I believe.

Goodnight,world.

Vengeance Please

Sometimes the walk home can be more than just a boring stroll,when you look a bit closer.On my way back i saw

1. A dead pigeon with its bottom half squashed to bits next to a dustbin.
2. A homeless man peeing into a public pond,the small group of schoolgirls nearby had looks of fascination on their innocent faces.
3. While crossing roads i noticed a beautiful bronze merc with a skinny 50-ish woman inside,sunnies covering her eyes and her cheeks tensed-the car's plate read ICLAW.

Turning 18 in a few hours.Tick tock.

Watched the latest OC episode-Ryan's officially the biggest,hugest,most annoying drama queen in tv history-he makes a big ass fuss (and by big i mean 3 eps going on about killing the guy) bout killing Volchok,then when he finally gets the chance what does he do? HE LETS THE GUY GO.All that drama and no climax.And Grey's Anatomy,once honest and full of heart now tries so desperately to become 'sexually-hilarious' that its become a total disaster.

Be kind,rewind.

Oh saw this one sad ad on tv yesterday.46 people are seriously injured in accidents in Melbourne everyday-and i'm not talking facial scars or broken bones,more like losing limbs and being permanently physically disabled.Very emotional ad.This one girl was trying to walk with her crutches,her left leg knee-down removed-and she was just crying there,just standing there and crying profusely.

Like a clown i put on a show,pain is real even tho' nobody knows and i'm crying inside and nobody knows it but me.

Elsewhere i read that Terri Irwin's daughter is being sent for psychological treatment cos' she's been extremely happy since her dad died.

Tick tock.

Sleepless

Been having trouble sleeping,i follow all the recommended steps for better sleep (e.g:drink plenty of water,take a hot bath 3 hours before sleep,avoid evening naps) but try as i might,i end up waking an hour or two after i fall asleep feeling restless and completely awake-the worst consequence is that i end up arriving for the exams feeling slightly groggy and ill-tempered,not to mention my mind isn't as sharp as it would be if i were completely lucid.

I suspect its something subconcious-but its exam season and its best to focus on my textbooks and notes instead of using this precious time to dig up old memories and trying to heal old wounds-i'll deal with all that crap some other time perhaps.For now the image above will suffice in trying to bring more harmony into my non-existent,crooked soul-i've even gone as far to download a meditation podcast and rearranged my bed as to prepare incase the sleeping problem surfaces again.

Enough bout' my boring life-spent sometime watching season 4 episodes of Nip/Tuck-a tv series usually takes dangerous risks by introducing events or characters which are absolutely over-the-top and unrealistic,for example Julie Cooper from the OC whose cruelty seems to coincide with sharp fashion sense,cycnical one-liners and a complete lack of emotions (such a perfect character could not possibly exist in real life),and Nip/Tuck has had its share of emberassing moments-in Season 3,when it was discovered that 'the slasher' was a male serial rapist without a penis who used a strap-on to sodomise his victimes,or when Sean's subconcious keeps arriving as the heavily tattooed criminal whom he onced helped escape conviction-but in Season 4 the show once again comes close to being unbelievable and too fictitious for anyone to enjoy the show without putting the sense of reality aside,thankfully it doesn't cross that line and whenever it comes close to,some very genuine and sympathetic characters are re/newly-introduced so the viewer feels connected again-the highlight of Season 4 seems to be Rosie O-Donnell's (otherwise known as the most narcissistic,loud,fabulous lesbo) character,a woman who wins $380 million in a lottery and starts spending throwing money on everything she can-but in the process of embracing her inner material girl she loses her sense of self,her daughter and hubbie leave her and soon she's in the hospital ward looking at the people who pass by,saying 'i'd give all the money in the world for someone to walk through that door and just hold my hand'.

I write all this bullshitty crapola here cos' talking bout everything that comes to my mind with people would be a difficult thing.Its exam season and the whole of Melbourne's joined the party-with Subway putting the sign 'Exam Season:Open Till 11' outside,and the girl who served me even put an extra meatball in my sub maybe cos' she knows how stressful exam season can be.

Song of the moment: Azure Ray-If You Fall

My 15 minute break is over,back to the books and the kooks.

New Old

I have this disease,where i'm cursed with this habit of ruining something perfect everytime i come close to it.

College was a chance for a clean,fresh slate-people i barely knew,people i did know were left far behind-all the designs of the perfect opportunity to clean up all the messes i've made and begin things again with a new attitude,but no,i had to screw it up.

And the chances will keep coming,and no doubt they'll be screwed to fuck too.I can't live like this anymore,i can't keep walking everywhere only to gather more miseries to add to my already fucked up life,and i can't keep letting things spiral out of control.

I want to say sorry to those whom i've hurt over the past years,tell them i didn't intend to and it was all a huge minsunderstanding-and i want to meet all the people who've misread me and explain to them that i'm really just a nice guy a little too fucked up there to function like a normal person-and above all,i'm just sorry.But i know the past is a bit too late for repairing,and God knows this too so he gives me new chances all the time-like the beginning of college,i could've introduced myself to the world smiling,gleaming from positivity and been a totally different person by completely letting go of my past and not letting anything that has happened define or affect who i am.But the problem is,i can't let go-its not as easy at it sounds and i appreciate the friends who understand this and help me get through the rough patches.

And i want to say sorry,but i know its too late.

To the Indian girl on my floor who may think i'm just a rude,mean,cruel-hearted bastard just cos' everytime we meet i say nothing and simply respond with a harsh glare-i'm sorry.

To the new friends i've made who may see me as being a bad person-you peeps are terrific but it takes time to actually know me,and in time you'll understand that i cover my sorrows by being difficult and hopefully you'll get to know the real me soon-i'm sorry.

To the hi-bye peeps from class and everywhere else,i have a strong distrust of strangers and rarely open up to people so at times it may seem i'm being detached and mean,when really its just my nature to not get too close-i'm sorry.

And to everyone i'm about to hurt unintentionally-i'm sorry.

I'm perfectly aware by doing this helps with nothing,but again i say-this blog functions more as a conversation with myself,by questioning my ownself and probing into my deeper thoughts,those which bear undiscovered,painful truths,help me help myself and this awareness of things assist me in becoming a better person,or at least they help explain why things happen the way they do.

Skies

Feeling incredibly emo today-i wrote an entire post about the sense of unbelonging and that's as much as i can say here without hurting anyone.

Decided not to post all that personal stuff here,instead i've moved it to a protected post over at my old blog.Some things are too personal for me to post it up here for anyone to see.

The Kooks-Seaside

Lior-Daniel

Neutral Milk Hotel-Naomi

New Order-Ceremony

Radio Dept-I don't like it like this

I can't stop it with Regina Spektor-when something this good comes along,i feel that i HAVE to pimp it out.From her amazing song,Fidelity:

I never loved nobody fully

Always one foot on the ground

And by protecting my heart truly

I got lost in the sounds

I hear in my mind all these voices

I hear in my mind all these words

I hear in my mind all this music

and it breaks my heart.

Look at the skies,touch the clouds.

Sushi

Chichi (a.k.a the grumpiest cat in the world) gave birth few months ago to Sushi,this adorable little kitten.

Ivana says she'll sell Sushi off if i don't buy clothes from Melbourne for her-Ivana you terrorist!You hold Sushi hostage you evil thing! Don't sell her off! I'll buy you anything! Shoes? Clothes? Sportsgirl? Gucci? Guess?

Haih,the things we do for our helpless kittens with their cute big eyes.

Whispers

Righteousness: You have to study! You've spent the entire day wasting time doing futile things and absolutely nothing useful at all! It's time to smack yourself out of unreality and get back to work!

Irrationality: Oh relax,the exam's about three days more-isn't that 72 hours? 72 hours! 72 hours is enough for you to revise ALL your notes at least three times! And working too hard will only exhaust your mind,it'll probably turn you into one of those specy geeks with too much brain and no street smart to actually function as adults later on-so take a chill pill and watch tv,download another movie,read comics,enjoy life!

R: Are you absolutely fucking out of your mind-screw this final exam and your whole future will be gone! You'll be flipping burgers in a dumb yellow truck while your friends make millions as doctors and lawyers! Where will you put your face then-where will your parents put theirs? The exam's barely three days away and you've yet to finish studying you lazy turd!

I: Ugh,you're such a party pooper R. What are you, Hitler or something? I'm sure the boy can make up his own mind without you screaming orders and threats into his ear-let him relax for God's sake,he's been studying hard for the past few days and a few hours of laying back won't hurt..

R: You're right I, i'll let the boy do absolutely nothing and waste his time now and tomorrow,and everyday after that. Success only comes by being lazy doesn't it? Go ahead,do nothing-waste your time,that's usually how people get high grades and end up rich-by sitting back and letting the money come to them.

I: Ugh. You're so sarcastic.

R: Oh, am i?

Right.Ignore that.It started as an internal dialogue but my fingers got involved and before i knew it,it was all over the page. The whole day has been spent lazing around and pretending to study-this consists having an open book before me,only for my mind to wander to some faraway fantasy land-but i think i deserve today,the past few days have been intense and i'm personally not one to study too much,one because i'm honestly too lazy to study too hard,and second,i often get good results not by pushing myself to the extreme,but actually taking time to study smart and let myself breath once in a while.

'Love is not only blind,it's also deaf,disabled and retarded'

Came up with that during one of the million pointless conversations i have each day,and take my word-one day i'm going to be really famous and all these pathetic quotes will be taken seriously and compiled into some sort of book or something.Well,true love is apparently something that only comes when your halfway through your twenties but very few people are lucky enought to have found it before that period-i am one of those cursed to wait for it,meanwhile having mindless fun toying around with infatuation and lust while waiting for the real thing to arrive.But it'll come any moment,maybe the next time i visit the market i'll accidentally bump into a pretty girl,and-fast forward-we're laughing hysterically at our third child,daughter Sara who giggles when she pees-but wait,cut that out-children? Too much.Maybe we'll borrow a friend's child for a weekend to see what being a parent feels like and if we're fit for the job first,before deciding to have children of our own.

Wait,i'm digressing.

Must get back to reality.That will be my mantra from now on.

(Chanting mantra)

End of The Year

So this is how the end of college feels like.

A mixture of regret,relief and absolute numbness-i feel happy that this rollercoaster of emotions and bittersweet adventures has finally ended,but a feel a bit sad that i haven't made full use of the year,and i regret having spent too much time dwelling with dark thought to notice all the opportunities for salvation.

Drama exam was yesterday and it went perfectly well,my drama team mates are some of the closest friends i have here-and every minute spent practising drama was enjoyable,those nights spent talking about our past experiences,and when it came the time for the final performance-at first i was nervous but then upon entering the stage,the many stagelights shining in my direction made the entire audience invincible,only traces of their silhouettes visible,so the nervousness quickly went away as i performed to an empty room,and all went according to plan.

Now,back to talking about the year.

People throw judgements at me-call me names and describe me with negative traits-but you don't know who i am,as close as you think you are to me,your judgements about me may not be accurate but i'm able to understand how you've managed to think that of me.I can be mean,cynical and extremely cruel,but a true friend will be able to tell you who i really am-and i have my share of flaws,but none of them being the one you've given me.Strangers take one look at me and come up with a million preconceptions,while some of the people closest to me don't know me yet-why?-because it takes years to know me,it takes years to understand why i'm this way and truly be my friend,or else you're just someone who knows me.The year's been terrific-but again i say,i have my regrets,some of them being that i trusted someone too much,became too close to someone,or too distant from someone-but at the beginning of the year i expected college to be much worst,and the fact that its turned out this way is a miracle.I wish i had opened up more and been less insecure when it came to making new friends,but this scar's been there for quite sometime and takes time to heal,so i'll let my wounds breath and i'll take my own sweet time to truly recover from the years of pain behind me.But i've definitley grown and learned more,despite still being sarcastic and full of crap at times-i've now learned to understand things and people,but the subject of myself is still an unsolved mystery.

Two-thirty 7 a.k.a the-film-noone's-heard-about-but-should-definitely-watch,was recently released in France (2nd poster) and the official dvd (1st poster) will arrive in aus late jan.This is one of the best films i've seen,and i'll definitely buy the dvd for my collection.

I want ice-cream.I want to argue.I want to escape.But above all,i want an honest conversation with a true friend-i need to talk-i jus need to talk.One honest conversation.That's all i ask for.

And if not,don't speak at all.

Regina Spektor

Though she might not fit your conventional definitions of beauty,Regina Spektor has a voice spectacular enough to defy these lines-and her voice is like nothing else,her music absolute magic.

I went to bed at 10.30,then without being provoked i woke up again at 2am,and now its 4 and i'm still unable to sleep.What's amazing though is that my mind,knowing how much trouble this malfunction will cost me in the near future (drama performance in a few hours time),has made up for the problems its caused with a sudden diligence and determination for hardwork-so i've been doing several math questions,and now i'm on to Othello.Ne me quitte pas!I bet its just anxiety keeping me awake,truthfully i feel so damned nervous i need an apple to keep my mouth occupied just so my jaw doesn't suddenly close to slice off my tongue.At this ungodly hour all my words barely makes sense-early birds and drunken insomniacs make noises outside,heavy trucks pass occasionally and i hear glass bottles hitting the hard ground with loud clunks.

Few sorta funny things happened today.

In literature class,Mike was so frustrated from not getting responses/answers that he repeatedly re-phrased his questions to a point where they no longer became questions but answers so darn obvious all we had to do was nod or provide some kind of nonverbal response to satisfy him.A simple 'yes' or 'no' would've given him a heart attack.

At lunch,noone realised it but i suddenly had an endless supply of tissues next to my bowl of noodles-by endless,i mean ENDLESS.Throughout the lunchour i kept pulling tissues from the same spot,countless times,but even by the end of lunchour there was still a whole bunch-miraculous,weird,or it could just be that someone had stocked em' up while i wasn't watching.

My mum sms-ed saying that on her visit to Cambodia,she had been brought to some place where Angelina Jolie had been during the filming of a Tomb Raider movie-and just to annoy her i replied saying 'Angelina who?',then she called explaining how the locals had made the spot some kind of shrine,and how ridiculous it all was-after that she went on to talk about the many local gossips her gossipy friends had told her-one of them being that the boyfriend to one of my close friends was believed to be the cousin of a well-known murderer,and she briefly explained (as if to hide some big,CIA secret) how the girl's mum along with her and a few pals have conjurred a small plan to break them up.

I don't think i'll be sleeping today-even if i could i'd be restless,having tiny nightmares like i did just now.So bring on the sunrise,the light of day and all the world's chaos for me to enjoy.

Fever

I'm so sick.I feel a high fever coming on.

These things cheered me up a lil.

Gwen Stefani's new vid.Boring song,good vid.
Pussycat Dolls' new vid.The lead singer's a goddess,catchy song.
Red Hot's new vid.Boring vid,good song.
This weird clip of an Indian Superman & Spiderwoman being weird.

Watched Shortbus over the weekend-i think of it as amateur porn backed by a so-called plot,and with good music (really really good music-a link to the tracklist),its one of the worst films i've seen this year and i felt it was a waste of $12 and two hours.Finally got to see 1999's Fight Club-an overlong film with some uneccesary bits but nothing short of amazing,the final scene where the buildings explode with Placebo's 'Where is My Mind' playing in the background was fcking fantastic. +An interesting,detailed article that follows the popular conspiracy that says Fight Club's a film about Calvin & Hobbes.

Some other songs worth a listen.

The Audreys-Oh Honey
Josh Pyke-Silver
Butterfingers-Kabus Ribut
Bobby Flynn-Under Pressure (David Bowie cover)
The Kinks-Lola
The Gossip-Where the girls are

Just took three actifast panadols.

Will be listening to music on my bed while fantasizing what it'd be like without a sore throat,stuffed nose and murderous headache.

Hoot! My drama group's poster (unedited version) for Wednesday's performance done by Ck.Ck you look like someone i feel like punching haha.

And Sha's.The poster's something like The Godfather meets Saw and American Pscyho-uber coolness.She's gonna be playing a cop,like in Gerak Khas except way,way cooler!

Oh and to the guy who sings Josh Groban songs in the public bathroom,do us all a kind favour and get yourself a private apartment next year where you'll have the convenience of a personal shower (preferably soundproof)-because no kind-hearted human deserves to be tortured by your horrendous vocals,so please,Mr. William Hung Wannabe,leave for all our sakes as soon as possible.And you can take along the fugly Indian manpig who smells like a truckload of rubbish with you,by removing these unwanted smell/sound pollutions from our lives you'd be doing a service to mankind and guaranteed a place in Heaven.

Can't wait for Drama!

Three Things

No day is complete without its random observations and meaningless realizations.Today brought about its share of these things.

1. I want Regina Spektor to sing at my wedding
And if i'm fated to not find the love of my life to wed,i'll go as far as to fake a wedding just to get an excuse to get Regina Spektor.And since we're inviting her,we might as well call The Kooks and John Mayer as well.How well they'll blend in with the bunga telur and kebaya-clad aunties at the wedding won't be my problem-i'll leave this for fake wifey to think about.

2.Recycling is not difficult
I'm honestly curious to why people don't recycle more-the only valid excuse would be because they're too darn lazy to do it.I put a special paperbag next to the bin to put used papers in about a week ago,and it was full in a matter of days-then i brought it over to the nearby recycling bin and gave a thumbs up sign to the nearby trees.

3.We only want what we can't have
For the past few weeks,i've been scavenging the entire building to find the vacuum-people always keep it in their rooms after using,and sometimes it just disappears without anyone knowing where it goes.But i finally found it this evening on the second floor,but the moment i spotted it; my mind,with its procrastinative nature and unusual talent for conjuring lame excuses,instantly came up with more than 10 reasons why i shouldn't have to vacuum the room today.So i left the vacuum where it was,wondering when would be the next time i'd find it.

Lost Spoiler Alert!

Moving on,watched the year's final episode of Lost (the last ep signaling the 2 month hiatus,Lost will return with ep 7 on Feb07 2007) and i have to say i was kinda disappointed as i was expecting a more dramatic cliffhanger,one that would leave viewers curious enough to want to watch it next year.So Kate married a man whom was unaware of her true identity-haven't we been told this fact (that Kate's a clever liar) in Season 2? And what's up with Sawyer & Kate having sex when they could've escaped?-yes i admit the thought of having wild,uninhibited sex in a cage sounds weirdly tempting and too irresistable for anyone to pass,but for God's sake they could've done something instead of waiting for the Others to come the next morning.But i admit seeing Evangeline Lilly looking so flawless in a wedding dress was worth sacrificing the episode for-and there's no way i'm ever quitting from watching Lost,they could kill off all the characters with a nuclear explosion and suddenly tell some random story about french-speaking apes and i'd still watch it.

The new trailer for Spiderman 3 is out (click on the pic above for the link),and it looks promising-i know nothing about comics,but i know any comic-based flick revolving around massive budgets,excessive use of special effects and the pairing of Tobey Maguire & Kristen Dunst proves mind-blowing.Spidey 3 will be a fulfilling appetizer before Sin City 2 arrives to complete the meal.

Oh,Ali turned 19 over the weekend.Happy Birthday Alizabeth!Dude,i know the party sucked but hey,we'll have a real party with the peeps when we're all back in M'sia kay?

I'm turning 18 in a week plus and i'm honestly clueless on how i should celebrate this significant turn-of-age.So i did what i would usually do when confusion is at its most unfathomable form,post the question at Yahoo Answers.Here's the link to it-be a good civilian and help me out.Can't believe someone said i should give the money that ought to be spent for MY birthday to charity instead.Lolz!Such pathetic,blind innocence!Australians are way too fucking rich and don't need my help with eradicating the economic/social problems.I'm being cruelly sarcastic here-of course they need our help!,those helpless refugees in dirty camps without air-conditioning,those countless orphans who dream of eating BigMacs while feeding on grass for lunch,those abandoned old folks who unintentionally poop at the thought of watching Golden Girls' reruns cos' they're so excited at doing such sad things all day,and the abused women-all who are shining symbols of society's collective selfishness.So maybe i'll just donate some money and have a cute cuddle with some tiny malnourished orphans for my birthday,or splash it out on a huge party noone would come to and would end up being a huge sleezefest where everyone pretends to have fun.Plus its in the middle of the exam season-so i doubt anyone would want to waste their time on some dumb party.Get ready cute orphans,here i come!

Hello Subconcious

Hello subconcious.

The week's been so suffocatingly stressful that all i've managed to do is shrink into my own personal haven of delusion and blissful ignorance-apparently now i know my limits,and how cowardly i respond to tension and troubling times.It's so unfunny,this coincidence that you decide to delve deeper into such abstract thoughts that occupy such lengthy times such as the meaning of life and pursuit of dreams at such an important time-its as if the moment i decide to do something,the entire universe unites to conpire against me.In a way its such a beautiful thing,the way you pull me deeper into my own self-absorbed universe,this haven i spoke of before that is completely separate from reality and logic-that in this place i lay alone with my own fictional characters and the personalities i've provided them:the unstable adults whose own partial insanities bear striking resemblance to my own inability to function in life,the companions who sometimes fill me with doubt and distrust during those moments where the closeness of our relationships seem to be void of meaning and replaced with only with my own desperate need to be loved,this uncontrolable desire to feel important the least,has distorted my true definition and forcefully molded me into something the world might find more loving,tolerable and interesting.Oh there i go again trying to give words to you (dear subconcious) and the thoughts you place in my head,when really my attempts at reasoning and rationalising my own sorrow and confusion only adds to it all,as if my search for light in an unlit room has somehow made the room much larger than it was,and perhaps the best thing to do would be to simply stop analyzing or trying to understand and continue living life without speculating at every single incident or peculiar curiousity,this would ultimately make me a more resilient man and free me from my own paranoia and the other disorders that lay like sleeping dogs inside my mind,once only awakened when provoked,i am now almost powerless in controlling their patterns and the privellege of choice has now rightfully become theirs.

Perhaps you've made me too indulgent in my own sorrows and this selfishness has made me bitter and spiteful,but i am confident when i say that despite what evil messages and tales you might try to tell me i do believe i too,like almost everyone else,own an 'inner goodness'-an ability to love without reason,and not become too absorbed in my own darkness to not realise that the world too has its shares of wars and fights that might require my assistance:famine,poverty?Hurm,perhaps then i should reform myself into a sort of moral evangelist,throwing my hatred to the world into an imaginary blackhole where every spect of negativity i have is inevitably sucked away only to be replaced with the kind will to forgive and make do with whatever i am left with.

Oh once again words fail to deconstruct my true feelings,those evasive,nasty little creatures that seem to be running around my head,causing chaos by refusing to let me define them in words-an although my brain extracts long,complicated sentences full of rubbish these words don't seem to help me at all,as they only give more texture to those feelings,from being simple,one-dimensional people with no depth or personaliztion whatsoever my dangerous words have given them texture and breadth,and now they roam freely pulling strings and causing havoc only to be effectively controlled during those rare times when i stray so far into my fantasies and delusions that the artificial idea of happiness seems to give me armor from such malice.Well,i hope you're proud my dear subconcious,you evil,evil thing.Once again i've sat down with determination to understand myself,with the help of language and my own power of reason,but once again you've spoiled this and made it another futile,pathetic activitiy that has lead me nowhere and given me nothing constructive in return,and once again this has become a complete waste of time.Yes,i know,you've told me many times before that psychiatric treatment (psychoanalysis?are you kidding me?) but i i was born into a world that puts value on independant survival,where breakdowns and petty emotions are percieved as signs of weakness-therefore i will try to survive without the help of therapy,and perhaps if you still want me to do so just consider our casual conversations (like this one) to be a form of therapy.If not,get over it and let me live with guts-that is,fuck psychology,emotion,freud and all the many imbeciles who support his unashamed attempts at unravelling the human into a complex creature of sorts-we are essentially savage animals,using our physical strength and tendency for foolish,unreasoned rage to survive.

Oh,don't kid yourself dear subconcious.You're so full of bullshit,twisting you contradictory words and inconspicuous thoughts into fences that shield you from the truth,but know that sooner or later these weak walls you've constructed will eventually fall-and to face the unavoidable mighty truth will be your final punishment,and i can only wish you luck for the suffering you are fated to confront once all you fall.

And i will laugh with all the sense humour i can find in me,for all the years you've made ME suffer and for the heartless person i've become.Ha-ha!Die fool,die!

Die!

Wicked Game

The world was on fire,noone could save me but you
Strange what desire can make what foolish people do
I never dreamed that i'd meet somebody like you
No i don't wanna fall in love,with you
What a wicked thing to do,to make me dream of you
What a wicked thing to say,you never felt that way
This love is gonna break your heart
Nobody loves,nobody loves noone

What a beautiful performance,done few weeks ago on the now pathetic (since they booted out Bobby Flynn) AusIdol-its interesting how some people personify love as being an uncontrolable,almost darkly sadistic power.How we incidentally 'fall' and 'find' it in the weirdest places during the most importune times,and how we feel that this power that yanks us up,down and rips us apart right after providing us a satisfaction of feeling wholesome and complete.Sometimes i believe that emotions are really something we aren't able to define accurately,as if all these inner storms and whirlwinds are too destructive for any man to be able to say for sure what they really are-so we give names in an attempt to understand our own peculiar selves:fear,envy,anger,regret.When in truth all these bullshit concepts are our own inventions made to cope with our own inability to make right choices or accept our unfortunate fates and move on,so instead of taking the blame we point to these foolish ideas that we honestly don't understand,that 'love' was accidental and planned by some bigger force we couldn't have prevented-but honestly i don't believe any man can stand the pain of his own heartache alone and survive it without shifting the blame slightly to somewhere else,so i guess in the end 'love' itself is just a word for something that we can never quite give meaning to,a wicked illusion we can't possibly live without.

I don't know where all of that came from.Watched Little Miss Sunshine,Reservoir Dogs and Being John Malkovich over the past week (i'm going to be a screenwriter/filmaker one day,so i consider this as research)-Little Miss Sunshine was absolutely adorable and a definite must-watch,Quentin Tarantino's Reservoir Dogs is a fucking classic (although i recommend that viewers close their eyes during one particularly violent scene where a character's ear is sliced off) and, Being John Malkovich now ranks in as one of my Top 5 Fave Films of All-time.From the man who wrote the also grand 'Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind' (Charlie Kaufman),comes a film about three characters who stumble upon a portal that enables them to enter the mind of a man called John Malkovich.This movie is so mind-blowingly imaginative and cleverly playful with its ideas (without crossing the line and becoming some sort of fantasy geekfest),with its kooky characters and unpredictable storyline-this film is insanely brilliant and i recommend that everyone watch it.

I think,i feel,i suffer.

Big Bad Prom

Prom was amazing.Actually it was okay and i'm exagerrating,but people expect me to go 'Omigawd it was fucking fantastic' so i'm gonna try sweep my pessimism under the carpet for this special occasion and try my best to convince you that it was in fact,amazing.


Well,to be fair-some things made the night memorable,the peeps were all dressed like royalty and their enjoyable company almost made me forget that the MC spoke as if there were two cocks stuck in her mouth and the music played effectively replaced the classy atmosphere that could've been with a horrible sense of absolute trashiness and cheapness.I felt the organizing team did a half-assed job,and there was potential to make the night truly memorable but if i were to describe the night as a film,i'd say everything from the script,casting and lightwork was messy and wrong.Think Catwoman or Joel Schumacher's Batman & Robin.

Half the time at prom was spent snapping pics (people got up to take pics all the time;between dishes,between activities,between and during everything),as people had completely lost their dependance on the sucky,non-existant itinerary for entertainment or pleasure,and the good things about prom wasn't the prom itself but everything else.I won't talk much about the afterparty at Platform 1,which would've been enjoyable if not for the fact that it was BEYOND OVERCROWDED and that dancing had become like a form of prison torture where we were forcefully confined to one small spot and many sweaty,dirty sluts and pimps took the advantage to rub themselves against us human sexpoles.

I'd like to take this chance to say thanks to Ira for helping me do the tie.Thanks a lot Ira!

Back to the prom.Everyone looked fabulous,a lot of girls arrived looking absolutely stunning and the guys looked equally suave in suits,and for a few minutes when we were waiting at the lobby for others to arrive my mind briefly fantasized about adulthood,tiresome officework and the burden of having an entire family to take care of (so much time was spent waiting,to the point that my daydreams had become so elaborate),and suddenly the suit i was wearing seemed less like a fancy attire,and more of an insight towards the bittersweet future.

To some,the prom might simply be an event where people dress up and come to act nice and enjoy themselves,but i see it as being something bigger but i can't quite articulate it-the way some girls in dresses sway gracefully with cold smiles on their powdered faces,the way certain young men pose akwardly for pictures in their brand new suits,the way everything there seemed to be insignificant and unattached,as if all of it were part of something bigger,and i simply refuse to accept this event,where the fancy attires and bright expensiveness of it all claimed to be the substance that was supposed to make it special,as being the most memorable thing in my college year.


Perhaps its the sense of unbelonging and isolation talking,not myself,and that this other part of me,the one insecure and a bit sceptical who's taken control of all my ideas and opinions,villanously intoxicating them with negativity and cynicism,or maybe its really me and i genuinely think the prom was more of a huge gimmick that sucked my wallet dry by pretending to be a meaningful thing,but at least now i've learned that not all things massive,overhyped and exclusive are really what they seem,and in truth they're really just full of echo and nothing at the core.

John Mayer

Went to watch John Mayer on Thursday night,at the Palais Theatre.

-It was absofuckinglutely amazing,except he missed some of the songs i really wanted to see performed life (Neon,I don't Trust Myself,1983) but the many guitar solo's and other good songs made up for it.

-Had a lot of laughs too.We arrived 10 minutes late but hadn't had dinner,so bought some Mcd burgers and gobbled it up faster than you can say ''Fatty!''.

-Remy's camera was being a bloody bitch,the pics had to be edited but the vids came out surprisingly excellent.Managed to get short clips of Belief,Bigger Than My Body and The Heart of Life and put them on the tube.

Prom tomorrow night.And exam in two weeks.Going all gung ho after tomorrow.

Update: For a short time,the season 4 premiere for the OC is up on YTube but in five parts. (Link:Under his 'vids',but if its not there means its been removed)

And.Just watched the latest ep of Lost.SPOILER AHEAD.Booo.Ecko dies-he was one of the few genuinely interesting characters,with a fascinating past and some sort of 'mythical' quality to his presence,but with next week's ep being the last before the 6 month hiatus,we'll hopefully get some sort of big revelation then.